News Letter 5851-046
5th day of the 11th month 5851 years after the creation of Adam
The 11th Month in the Sixth year of the Third Sabbatical Cycle
The Third Sabbatical Cycle after the 119th Jubilee Cycle
The Sabbatical Cycle of Earthquakes, Famines and Pestilence
The Year of the Tithe for the Widows, Orphans & Levites
1 month & 3 weeks to get ready for the Sabbatical year that begins at Aviv 2016
January 16, 2016
Shabbat Shalom Brethren of the Royal House of Yehovah, Brethren, this week I have to address a number of things of which many of you are involved in.
Over the past month I have received many emails and phone calls asking me to speak out on a number of subjects.
The overwhelming request for help is in relation to porn. I am both surprised about this and at the same time not surprised at all. The other request to which I have refused to comment at all is about this huge debate of the flat earth, which I consider to be a complete waste of time. Far too many of you are being taken in by these two prostitutes of “misinformation” and other women of the “dark side” who are luring you away into their Hotel California. Yes, the same one where you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave. I will address the flat earth debate next week. Be ready to be awed, no matter which side of the debate you are on.
Never in a million years did I think I would be using the Eagles song to teach with, and yet here we are. Read the words to this below and ponder on these words as we go forward with this teaching.
On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself,
“This could be Heaven or this could be Hell”
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say…
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes Benz
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain,
“Please bring me my wine”
He said, “We haven’t had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine”
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say…
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They’re livin’ it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis
Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And she said “We are all just prisoners here, of our own device”
And in the master’s chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can’t kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
“Relax, ” said the night man,
“We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave! “
Opening Pandora’s Box
In Greek mythology, Pandora (Greek: derived from, p?n, i.e. “all” and d?ron, i.e. “gift”, thus “the all-endowed”, “the all-gifted” or “the all-giving”) was the first human woman created by the gods, with each god helping to create her by giving her unique gifts. All the gods joined in offering her “seductive gifts”. Her other name is Anesidora, “she who sends up gifts” (up implying “from below” within the earth). More commonly, however, the epithet anesidora is applied to Gaea or Demeter.
According to the myth, Pandora opened a jar (pithos in Greek – Are about 1.6 m tall, the full pithos would have weighed close to 2 tons.), in modern accounts sometimes mistranslated as “Pandora’s box”, releasing all the evils of humanity — although the particular evils, aside from plagues and diseases, leaving only Hope inside once she had closed it again.
This connection of Pandora to Gaea and Demeter through the name Anesidora provides a clue as to Pandora’s evolution as a mythic figure. Gaea is Mother Earth, the Mother of all Living and none other that Noah’s wife, as we have previously spoken of in other articles.
In Genesis we read of Ham uncovering the nakedness of Noah. We have spoken of this in other articles but let’s review it again here.
Gen 9:21 And he drank of the wine and was drunk. And he was uncovered inside his tent. 22 And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside. 23 And Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it upon both their shoulders. And they went backwards and covered the nakedness of their father. And their faces were backwards, and they did not see their father’s nakedness. 24 And Noah awoke from his wine, and came to know what his younger son had done to him. 25 And he said, Cursed be Canaan. He shall be a servant of servants to his brothers.
It is the uncovering of Noah’s nakedness that is the key in understanding what is going on here. Mythology confirms our suspicions.
Lev_18:7 You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father or the nakedness of your mother. She is your mother; you shall not uncover her nakedness. 8 You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father’s wife. It is your father’s nakedness. 9 You shall not uncover the nakedness of your sister, the daughter of your father or the daughter of your mother, born at home or born away. Their nakedness you shall not uncover.
Lev_18:11 You shall not uncover the nakedness of the daughter of your father’s wife, begotten of your father. She is your sister. 12 You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father’s sister. She is your father’s near kinswoman.
Lev_18:14 You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father’s brother. You shall not approach his wife. She is your aunt.
Lev_20:11 And the man who lies with his father’s wife has uncovered his father’s nakedness. Both of them shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be on them.
Lev_20:17 And if a man shall take his sister, his father’s daughter, or his mother’s daughter, and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness, it is a wicked thing. And they shall be cut off in the sight of their people. He has uncovered his sister’s nakedness; he shall bear his iniquity.
Lev_20:19 And you shall not uncover the nakedness of your mother’s sister, nor of your father’s sister. For he uncovers his near kin. They shall bear their iniquity.
Noah curses Canaan because Canaan is the child of Noah’s wife and Ham. He is a bastard child. And Canaan is listed 4th of the children of Ham.
Gen 10:6 And the sons of Ham: Cush and Mizraim and Phut and Canaan.
When Ham went into his mother, the woman who is the mother of all the children that are now on the earth, he opened up Pandora’s Box. (Please set aside all crude jokes at this point). Anesidora, also known as Gaea and Mother earth, tried to then close up all the evil that was going to come from this but it was too late. Once you open Pandora’s box or pithos, you cannot get it closed up again or get all that gets out back into it.
We also spoke a few weeks ago about Lashon Hara or evil speaking and gave you a great example:
A Chasidic tale vividly illustrates the danger of improper speech: A man went about the community telling malicious lies about the rabbi. Later, the man realized the wrong he had done, and began to feel remorse. He went to the rabbi and begged his forgiveness, saying he would do anything he could to make amends. The rabbi told the man, “Take a feather pillow, cut it open, and scatter the feathers to the winds.” The man thought this was a strange request, but it was a simple enough task, and he did it gladly. When he returned to tell the rabbi that he had done it, the rabbi said, “Now, go and gather the feathers, because you can no more make amends for the damage your words have done than you can recollect the feathers.”
Speech has been compared to an arrow: once the words are released, like an arrow, they cannot be recalled. The harm they do cannot be stopped, and the harm they do cannot always be predicted, for words like arrows often go astray.
I mention this in reference to trying to gather up the feathers. The opening up of Pandora’s box and attempts to then close it is the same as trying to gather up all the feathers the wind has scattered. The damage is done and no longer are you able to return to that time when you had your innocence. You can check out of the Hotel California but you can never leave.
Ham did not just wake up one day and decide to have sex with his mother. No, this sort of thing comes from first conceiving the idea and then dwelling on it for some time. Planning how he can manipulate the situation so that he could then act upon it. Getting his parents drunk provided just such an opportunity. Flirting with his mother over a period of time is also possible although I have no details of how it all came about. I am speculating.
Mat 5:28 But I say to you that whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Men, I have had a number of your wives write to me. They are telling me that you have your heads deep into pornography and that some of you are getting very deep into it. I know your names. How would you feel if I were to publish each and every one of your names in next week’s News Letter as a person who is addicted to porn? How would you like me to expose your secret sin for you, because you are not taking care of business and we have so little time left for you to get your robe of righteousness white before the end of this age?
I had this sin rooted deep in me. I knew I was not going to be in the Kingdom of Yehovah because I could not stop myself from porn and much more. Even though I keep the Sabbath, and the Holy Days, I was not going to be there because of this sin that had me in its grip. I was in that Hotel California of sensual and momentary pleasure and could not get out. I know where you are at right now, hooked on the desire for sex and that longing for something that is not real and imagining how you can get it.
Lust is like this old Indian trick to kill a wolf. They would take a sharp knife and cover it in blood and then freeze it and place it in a block of ice. The wolf would smell the scent of the blood and go and find it. He would then begin to lick the blood. The more blood he tasted the more he wanted. So he would lick more fervently. With each lick the blade of the sharp knife would reveal more of itself and thus cause the tongue of the wolf to bleed more and more each time. This then caused the wolf to taste more of the warm blood from his own mouth and lick even more. A perpetual cycle that only leads to the death of the wolf, which eventually bleeds to death.
It is the same with porn and with all other sexual gratification methods out there. Those gratification methods are not just sexual. They can be cigarettes or chocolate cake. Workaholics seek the praise of their bosses and peers for their gratification. These will all lead to your death if you do not curb them.
Sex with others or porn is never satisfactory. Even after using the prostitute or paying for the lap dance with the stripper, or self gratifying your own out of control lusts, you are left with this painful empty feeling. That empty hole in your soul that you wanted to get filled when you went to the whorehouse is still there. Sex never fill that hole but then guilt and the lies and self deception take over.
Chocolate cake never fills that hole. Drugs or sports or anything else you shove into this hole will never ever fill it. The reason they can never fill that hole is because Yehovah is the only one who can fill it. He is the only thing that fills that void you are feeling and heals the other problems of your life caused by you trying to fill this hole with the wrong things. Square peg in the round hole syndrome.
Let me share one woman’s letter to me which along with others has inspired this weeks News letter.
“Hotel California:” Confessions of the wife of a porn addict.
Who knows the legacy of porn? The toll it takes on our men? Who understands the pointless negativity of these vain teachings? This is the story of countless women whose men learned about sex through porn.
Sad is the woman who has been side-lined by this amorphous monster, a rival impossible to fight: a rival with a thousand faces and no names.
After a lifetime of waiting for love, I thought I had found it. But my new husband was hiding a secret: He had been inoculated by the vaccine of porn. He had been inoculated against loving a real woman. His potential to love had been devoured by the hungry dragon of pornography.
Women don’t always understand about men and porn. We don’t realize that it can have such a powerful hold over a man. It might be full of satin cushions and frilly drapes, but this pink prison has the grip of iron. A woman doesn’t realize that her man has been brainwashed. He has participated in his own imprisonment, eagerly, with the devotion of a true lover. He belongs to porn. He is her slave.
The dragon has whispered, the man has heard her and his passage into the pink prison was easy. The man is a willing captive. He has become institutionalized like a mental patient. This is Stockholm syndrome on acid. This is the Hotel California, where “you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.”
If love is an engine, porn is a faulty gear. If love is a program, porn is the virus you can’t delete. If love is a circus, porn is the ringmaster who released the lions with the clowns. Real women have a physiology different to that of man, and different to the women of porn. To men who have learned their loving from porn, a real woman is an oddity. He does not understand the difference. He finds her frustrating. Why does she not behave like the plastic mannequins of his pink prison? She wants to be the “only one.” She has too many “needs!” She is unreasonable, demanding and angry.
All too often he wants his cows back.
“Where are my perfect whores? Where is Mummy?” He cries out in anger. It is all the woman’s fault! Such is the lie of the polystyrene bride.
God said, “for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” (Ephesians 5: 31)
The question is: Who is his bride? Is she the many headed monster on the screen, or the real woman with cellulite and PMS? A good man should devote himself to his real bride, so that in togetherness husband and wife can discover each others unique differences and needs in their own time. But if he is already owned by the purple dragon of porn, the habit dies hard. He implements what he has learned, but the real woman is not like the polystyrene bride at all! Loving becomes a frustrating business for both partners in the aftermath of porn.
The dragon steals away his heart. A man owned by this mistress cannot truly love. Tenderness and patience is scarred and toughened. Especially when times get tough.
Crying babies, lack of sleep and pressure calls for a man to rise to the occasion, but he wants to run away and stroke his ego with the painted, purring pussycat on the screen. There are lions to be tamed and dragons to slay, but this man is a prisoner of the pussy-cat dragon.
When he is called to be strong FOR his woman, he flees back to the polystyrene princesses who have never given him an angry look or demanded “unreasonable” things from him. He has invested his trust in the silver screen queen. He scurries back to his secret and hides.
When the new wife learns that she is not his precious treasure, that she must take her place among the many, she might try to fight for him. Terrible is the pain of rejection. Terrible is this betrayal. But this is a battle only the man can fight. It is up to him.
Nobody can leave the Hotel California. Really? Many have broken free. This prison of the conscience only holds willing victims. This dragon needs slaying, the wife needs a husband, the family needs a hero. Be that hero.
The beast seeks to destroy.
Ideal is the exclusive marriage team, equal before God, mutually devoted, dependent on and submitted to each other and to God. Neither partner is perfect, just devoted to each other despite their imperfections. This system is designed by God to provide a safe refuge in a fallen world.
The Hebrew marriage ceremony has the bride circling the groom, symbolizing how a wife helps her husband in life.
She will help him choose the right colour socks and prompt him to ask for a raise. With her different insights, she might prevent him from a bad deal. The slave-mistress dragon would not care a jot if he never cut his toe nails again! The unique talents of a Godly woman are essential requirements for a Godly man. A man who knows only polystyrene “love” does not have someone watching his back.
God said that it is not good for man to be alone. A man who chooses porn, chooses to love alone. The polystyrene dragon tricks men into slavery and leaves women and children bereft, their “abundant life” stolen away. Porn is a loveless bride who gives pennies for pounds. A quick fix compared to a lifetime of love and the many shared joys of real life. We have to teach our sons to fight the dragon and our daughters to avoid the men who will not fight.
If you are a man who is trapped inside the pink prison, who pays dues to the polystyrene bride of pornography, it is time to cut loose and fight. You can leave the Hotel California. It is time to pray, to take up the sword and get serious with God. It is time to be a lion tamer of real life, not the pussy cat stroker of dreams.
Keeping it Secret
The power Satan has over each of you as men is the fact that you have this secret sin. You can keep on doing it as long as no one catches you doing so. As the letter above says, you have replaced your wife with something that is not real and is a fantasy that she can never live up to.
As long as you keep this sin a secret then the greater the power Satan has over you.
Each of us needs to pray to Yehovah to help us overcome this sickness; this demonic possession of our mind. Yes, demonic possession is what it is. Either you fight it or you let it dwell in you and grow and destroy your life and future inheritance.
Psa 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts, 24 and see if any wicked way is in me; and lead me in the way everlasting.
Yehovah has called you and you are hiding in the bushes hoping like hell no one sees what you are doing. Yehovah has called you. He sees your secret sins.
Psa 90:8 You have set our iniquities before You, our secret sins in the light of Your face.
Men we are naturally attracted to women. It is our DNA. I like seeing women who dress nice and are beautiful. If I then grope them in my mind or in reality as they did in Cologne, Germany then I have gone from appreciating Yehovah’s beauty to lusting after it. They have turned Yehovah’s beauty into a sick, demonic perversion that began in their own minds.
Psa 19:12 Who can understand his errors? Oh make me pure from secret faults; 13 and keep Your servant back from presumptuous sins; do not let them rule over me; then I shall be upright, and I shall be innocent of great transgression.
Psa 26:2 Examine me, O Jehovah, and prove me; purify my heart and my mind.
You, yes you who are addicted to porn have been called right now to be Kings and Priests in the Kingdom of Yehovah. Many are called but few are chosen. Those not chosen ruin their God given purpose by giving in to their lust for sin. I pray Yehovah will expose each of you publicly as the perverted sex deviant you are unless you repent and begin to work on this. We are going to begin to address this subject more often in the weeks and months to come. It is epidemic among men today. Unless you start to combat this today, in a weeks time, in a months time when the urge awakens in you then you, too will be one of those many called but who were swept away by Satan’s devices.
Ecc 12:13 Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter. Fear God, and keep His commandments. For this is the whole duty of man. 14 For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it is good, or whether evil.
Luk 12:1 In the meantime, when there had gathered together an innumerable crowd of people, so as to trample on one another, He began to say to His disciples first, Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. 2 For there is nothing covered that shall not be revealed, nor anything hidden that shall not be known. 3 Therefore whatever you have spoken in darkness shall be heard in the light. And that which you have spoken in the ear in secret rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops.
We have written on this subject a few times. I urge you as you work towards getting this sin under control to read Teshuva Turning back to Yehovah and Confessions of a Sex Addict where I faced my demons head on. I cannot help you until you begin to help yourself. You must help yourself. That means you must face this thing head on. You must tell someone you trust about it and talk about it in the open. You must confess to Yehovah that you cannot stop this thing on your own. And each time, each and every single time you cave in to the temptation, run back to Yehovah and pray for forgiveness and start over. It can be done and you may fall many times. You only fail if you do not get back up and repent and continue to work towards righteousness.
So what if we do not Repent?
We are in the last days. We have shown this to you many times. We are already in the times of Jacob’s Trouble. Yehovah has already raised up an army to destroy Israel. This is us for our many, many sins. And our sexual sins, our porn addictions are the same as if we were running to another god. We are giving in to having sex with Gaea Pandora, and worshiping another god.
This army that is coming, as we have already shown you, sees nothing wrong with raping women, with raping your wife or your daughter no matter what age she is. This army Yehovah is sending to destroy us sees nothing wrong with having sex with your young boys.
Yehovah is going to take our sickness and shove it done our throats so far we will never forget it. You men who are stuck in this deviant secret lifestyle are going to witness the sexual rape of your sons and daughters and your wives and mothers. You will witness in real life the fantasies you are playing with in your mind, only they will be forced on the ones you love. Again you have had an example of it in major cities across Germany this past New Years celebration with the Muslim refugees thinking all women of the west are free game for their sexual pleasures.
If you repent then you can protect those you love; if not, then Yehovah is going to help you fix your problem the hard way. You get to choose.
We are at the time in history when we are about to be brought back to the land of Israel. In the exact same way just before Israel entered the promised land with Joshua, Israel fell into sexual deviation with the Moabite women. It was a warning to us today. We have a video teaching we did on this very subject in the Philippines. You can watch this video at these links.
Afflicting our Soul Part three
Understand that your sins are playing into Satan’s plans. So long as you’re not part of the body, he wins. Next time you choose to click on the ad that leads you to a seductive beauty, which then gets your motor running, and you then decide to click on the porn site for just a minute, which turns into an hour or more with you gratifying yourself, the next time you do this, remember the army Yehovah has ready to invade this land and how He will not hear the prayers of the sinners. You need to repent of this now for the sake of your mother, wife and daughter. You need to take action or you will not be in the Kingdom of Yehovah.
Rev 22:14 Blessed are they who do His commandments, that their authority will be over the Tree of Life, and they may enter in by the gates into the city. 15 But outside are the dogs, and the sorcerers, and the fornicators, and the murderers, and the idolaters, and everyone who loves and makes a lie.
What are the dogs? They are the pimps who seek out sex, buying or selling it, Sniffing around those foolish women willing to give it away for a song. Each time you return to this sin you are the same as the dog spoken of by Peter, returning to its own vomit. Do you see how loathsome you have become? Loathsome to Yehovah?
2Pe 2:18 For when they speak great swelling words of vanity, they lure through the lusts of the flesh, by unbridled lust, the ones who were escaping from those who live in error; 19 promising them liberty, they themselves are the slaves of corruption. For by whom anyone has been overcome, even to this one he has been enslaved. 20 For if they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the full knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and are again entangled, they have been overcome by these, their last things are worse than the first. 21 For it would have been better for them not to have fully known the way of righteousness, than fully knowing it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered to them. 22 But the word of the true proverb has happened to them: The dog turning to his own vomit; and, The washed sow to wallowing in the mire.
The Ted Bundy Interview
Because some of you are deep into this porn and I may not as yet have convicted you enough to stop then I want you to watch and read this next interview of Ted Bundy done by James Dobson. Then whenever you have this urge to sin in the future, whenever you feel like you want to go watch some porn tonight in your secret place then turn to this video and watch it first.
Ted Bundy, an infamous serial killer, granted an interview to psychologist James Dobson just before he was executed on January 24, 1989. In that interview, he described the agony of his addiction to pornography. Bundy goes back to his roots, explaining the development of his compulsive behavior. He reveals his addiction to hard-core pornography and how it fueled the terrible crimes he committed.
A road that leads to nowhere
When Ted Bundy was thirteen years old, he discovered “dirty magazines” in a dump near his home. He was instantly captivated by them. In time, Bundy became more and more addicted to violent images in magazines and videos. He got his kicks from seeing women being tortured and murdered. When he tired of that, there was only one place his addiction could go – from fantasy to reality.
Bundy, a good-looking, intelligent law student, learned to lure women into his car by various forms of deception. He would put a cast on his arm or leg, then walk across a university campus carrying several books. When he saw an interesting co-ed standing or walking alone, he’d “accidentally” drop the books near her. The girl would help him gather them and take them to his car. Then he would entice her or push her into the vehicle where she was taken captive. After he had molested the girl and the rage of passion had passed, she would be killed and Bundy would dump her body in a region where it would not be found for months. This went on for years.
By the time he was apprehended, Bundy had killed at least twenty-eight young women and girls in acts too horrible to contemplate. He was finally convicted and sentenced to death for killing a twelve-year-old girl and dumping her body in a pigsty. After more than ten years of appeals and legal maneuvering, a judge gave the order for Bundy’s execution. That week, he asked an attorney to call me and request that I come to Florida State Prison for a final interview.
When I arrived, I discovered a circus-like atmosphere outside the prison. Teenagers carried signs saying “Burn, Bundy, Burn,” and “You’re Dead, Ted.” Also in the crowd were more than 300 reporters who had come to get a story on the killer’s last hours, but Bundy wouldn’t talk to them. He had something important to say, and he believed the media couldn’t be trusted to report it accurately. Therefore, I was invited to bring a camera crew to record his last comments from death.
I’ll never forget that experience. I went through seven steel doors and metal detectors so sensitive that my tie tack and the nails in my shoes were enough to set off an alarm. Finally, I reached an inner chamber where Bundy and I were to meet. He was brought in, strip-searched, and then surrounded by six prison guards while he talked to me. Midway through our conversation, the lights suddenly went dim.
Ted said, “Just wait a moment, and they will come back on.”
I didn’t realize until later what had happened. The prisoner knew that his executioners were testing the electric chair that would take his life the next morning.
Ted Bundy wanted to tell the world about pornography
What was it that Ted Bundy was so anxious to say? He felt he owed it to society to warn of the dangers of hard-core pornography and to explain how it had led him to murder so many innocent women and girls. With tears in his eyes, he described the monster that took possession of him when he had been drinking. His craze to kill was always inflamed by violent pornography. Quoted below is an edited transcript of the conversation that occurred just seventeen hours before Ted was led to the electric chair.
James C. Dobson: It is about 2:30 in the afternoon. You are scheduled to be executed tomorrow morning at 7:00, if you don’t receive another stay. What is going through your mind? What thoughts have you had in these last few days?
Ted: I won’t kid you to say it is something I feel I’m in control of or have come to terms with. It’s a moment-by-moment thing. Sometimes I feel very tranquil and other times I don’t feel tranquil at all. What’s going through my mind right now is to use the minutes and hours I have left as fruitfully as possible. It helps to live in the moment, in the essence that we use it productively. Right now I’m feeling calm, in large part because I’m here with you.
JCD: For the record, you are guilty of killing many women and girls.
Ted: Yes, that’s true.
JCD: How did it happen? Take me back. What are the antecedents of the behavior that we’ve seen? You were raised in what you consider to be a healthy home. You were not physically, sexually or emotionally abused.
Ted: No. And that’s part of the tragedy of this whole situation. I grew up in a wonderful home with two dedicated and loving parents, as one of 5 brothers and sisters. We, as children, were the focus of my parent’s lives. We regularly attended church. My parents did not drink or smoke or gamble. There was no physical abuse or fighting in the home. I’m not saying it was “Leave it to Beaver”, but it was a fine, solid Christian home. I hope no one will try to take the easy way out of this and accuse my family of contributing to this. I know, and I’m trying to tell you as honestly as I know how, what happened.
As a young boy of 12 or 13, I encountered, outside the home, in the local grocery and drug stores, softcore pornography. Young boys explore the sideways and byways of their neighborhoods, and in our neighborhood, people would dump the garbage. From time to time, we would come across books of a harder nature – more graphic. This also included detective magazines, etc., and I want to emphasize this. The most damaging kind of pornography – and I’m talking from hard, real, personal experience – is that that involves violence and sexual violence. The wedding of those two forces – as I know only too well – brings about behavior that is too terrible to describe.
JCD: Walk me through that. What was going on in your mind at that time?
Ted: Before we go any further, it is important to me that people believe what I’m saying. I’m not blaming pornography. I’m not saying it caused me to go out and do certain things. I take full responsibility for all the things that I’ve done. That’s not the question here. The issue is how this kind of literature contributed and helped mold and shape the kinds of violent behavior.
JCD: It fueled your fantasies.
Ted: In the beginning, it fuels this kind of thought process. Then, at a certain time, it is instrumental in crystallizing it, making it into something that is almost a separate entity inside.
JCD: You had gone about as far as you could go in your own fantasy life, with printed material, photos, videos, etc., and then there was the urge to take that step over to a physical event. Ted: Once you become addicted to it, and I look at this as a kind of addiction, you look for more potent, more explicit, more graphic kinds of material. Like an addiction, you keep craving something which is harder and gives you a greater sense of excitement, until you reach the point where the pornography only goes so far – that jumping off point where you begin to think maybe actually doing it will give you that which is just beyond reading about it and looking at it.
JCD: How long did you stay at that point before you actually assaulted someone?
Ted: A couple of years. I was dealing with very strong inhibitions against criminal and violent behavior. That had been conditioned and bred into me from my neighborhood, environment, church, and schools.
I knew it was wrong to think about it, and certainly, to do it was wrong. I was on the edge, and the last vestiges of restraint were being tested constantly, and assailed through the kind of fantasy life that was fueled, largely, by pornography.
JCD: Do you remember what pushed you over that edge? Do you remember the decision to “go for it”? Do you remember where you decided to throw caution to the wind?
Ted: It’s a very difficult thing to describe – the sensation of reaching that point where I knew I couldn’t control it anymore. The barriers I had learned as a child were not enough to hold me back from seeking out and harming somebody.
JCD: Would it be accurate to call that a sexual frenzy?
Ted: That’s one way to describe it – a compulsion, a building up of this destructive energy. Another fact I haven’t mentioned is the use of alcohol. In conjunction with my exposure to pornography, alcohol reduced my inhibitions and pornography eroded them further.
JCD: After you committed your first murder, what was the emotional effect? What happened in the days after that?
Ted: Even all these years later, it is difficult to talk about. Reliving it through talking about it is difficult to say the least, but I want you to understand what happened. It was like coming out of some horrible trance or dream. I can only liken it to (and I don’t want to overdramatize it) being possessed by something so awful and alien, and the next morning waking up and remembering what happened and realizing that in the eyes of the law, and certainly in the eyes of God, you’re responsible. To wake up in the morning and realize what I had done with a clear mind, with all my essential moral and ethical feelings intact, absolutely horrified me.
JCD: You hadn’t known you were capable of that before?
Ted: There is no way to describe the brutal urge to do that, and once it has been satisfied, or spent, and that energy level recedes, I became myself again. Basically, I was a normal person. Ted: I wasn’t some guy hanging out in bars, or a bum. I wasn’t a pervert in the sense that people look at somebody and say, “I know there’s something wrong with him.” I was a normal person. I had good friends. I led a normal life, except for this one, small but very potent and destructive segment that I kept very secret and close to myself. Those of us who have been so influenced by violence in the media, particularly pornographic violence, are not some kind of inherent monsters. We are your sons and husbands. We grew up in regular families. Pornography can reach in and snatch a kid out of any house today. It snatched me out of my home 20 or 30 years ago. As diligent as my parents were, and they were diligent in protecting their children, and as good a Christian home as we had, there is no protection against the kinds of influences that are loose in a society that tolerates….
JCD: Outside these walls, there are several hundred reporters that wanted to talk to you, and you asked me to come because you had something you wanted to say. You feel that hardcore pornography, and the door to it, softcore pornography, is doing untold damage to other people and causing other women to be abused and killed the way you did.
Ted: I’m no social scientist, and I don’t pretend to believe what John Q. Citizen thinks about this, but I’ve lived in prison for a long time now, and I’ve met a lot of men who were motivated to commit violence. Without exception, every one of them was deeply involved in pornography – deeply consumed by the addiction. The F.B.I.’s own study on serial homicide shows that the most common interest among serial killers is pornographers. It’s true.
JCD: What would your life have been like without that influence?
Ted: I know it would have been far better, not just for me, but for a lot of other people – victims and families. There’s no question that it would have been a better life. I’m absolutely certain it would not have involved this kind of violence.
JCD: If I were able to ask the kind of questions that are being asked, one would be, “Are you thinking about all those victims and their families that are so wounded? Years later, their lives aren’t normal. They will never be normal. Is there remorse?”
Ted: I know people will accuse me of being self-serving, but through God’s help, I have been able to come to the point, much too late, where I can feel the hurt and the pain I am responsible for. Yes. Absolutely! During the past few days, myself and a number of investigators have been talking about unsolved cases – murders I was involved in. It’s hard to talk about all these years later, because it revives all the terrible feelings and thoughts that I have steadfastly and diligently dealt with – I think successfully. It has been reopened and I have felt the pain and the horror of that.
I hope that those who I have caused so much grief, even if they don’t believe my expression of sorrow, will believe what I’m saying now; there are those loose in their towns and communities, like me, whose dangerous impulses are being fueled, day in and day out, by violence in the media in its various forms – particularly sexualized violence. What scares me is when I see what’s on cable T.V. Some of the violence in the movies that come into homes today is stuff they wouldn’t show in X-rated adult theatres 30 years ago.
JCD: The slasher movies?
Ted: That is the most graphic violence on screen, especially when children are unattended or unaware that they could be a Ted Bundy; that they could have a predisposition to that kind of behavior.
JCD: One of the final murders you committed was 12-year-old Kimberly Leach. I think the public outcry is greater there because an innocent child was taken from a playground. What did you feel after that? Were they the normal emotions after that?
Ted: I can’t really talk about that right now. It’s too painful. I would like to be able to convey to you what that experience is like, but I won’t be able to talk about that. I can’t begin to understand the pain that the parents of these children and young women that I have harmed feel. And I can’t restore much to them, if anything. I won’t pretend to, and I don’t even expect them to forgive me. I’m not asking for it. That kind of forgiveness is of God; if they have it, they have it, and if they don’t, maybe they’ll find it someday.
JCD: Do you deserve the punishment the state has inflicted upon you?
Ted: That’s a very good question. I don’t want to die; I won’t kid you. I deserve, certainly, the most extreme punishment society has. And I think society deserves to be protected from me and from others like me. That’s for sure. What I hope will come of our discussion is that I think society deserves to be protected from itself. As we have been talking, there are forces at loose in this country, especially this kind of violent pornography, where, on one hand, well-meaning people will condemn the behavior of a Ted Bundy while they’re walking past a magazine rack full of the very kinds of things that send young kids down the road to being Ted Bundys. That’s the irony.
I’m talking about going beyond retribution, which is what people want with me. There is no way in the world that killing me is going to restore those beautiful children to their parents and correct and soothe the pain. But there are lots of other kids playing in streets around the country today who are going to be dead tomorrow, and the next day, because other young people are reading and seeing the kinds of things that are available in the media today.
JCD: There is tremendous cynicism about you on the outside, I suppose, for good reason. I’m not sure there’s anything you could say that people would believe, yet you told me (and I have heard this through our mutual friend, John Tanner) that you have accepted the forgiveness of Jesus Christ and are a follower and believer in Him. Do you draw strength from that as you approach these final hours?
Ted: I do. I can’t say that being in the Valley of the Shadow of Death is something I’ve become all that accustomed to, and that I’m strong and nothing’s bothering me. It’s no fun. It gets kind of lonely, yet I have to remind myself that every one of us will go through this someday in one way or another.
JCD: It’s appointed unto man.
Ted: Countless millions who have walked this earth before us have gone through this, so this is just an experience we all share.
Ted Bundy was executed at 7:15 am the day after this conversation was recorded.