Incwadi Yezindaba 5856-049
Unyaka Wesi-4 Womjikelezo Wesabatha Wesine
Unyaka wama-25 we-120th Jubilee Cycle
Usuku lwe-16 lwenyanga ye-12 iminyaka engama-5856 ngemva kokudalwa kuka-Adamu
Umjikelezo Wesabatha Wesine ngemva Komjikelezo Wejubili Le-4
Phakathi KweJubili Lama-70 Njengoba uJehova atshela uMose ukuba ahambe ayolanda abantu Bakhe
Umjikelezo WeSabatha Wenkemba, Indlala, Nezifo Eziwumshayabhuqe

Izinsuku ezingu-2052 kuze kufike oFakazi ababili

January 30, 2021

ISabatha leShalom emndenini kaJehova,

Bekuyimfumbe Hhayi I-Command Audio

Sijabule kakhulu ukunazisa ukuthi incwadi yethu, Bekuyimfumbe Akuyona Umyalo, isiyatholakala ngefomethi yomsindo. Futhi kungaba etholakala esitolo sethu. Kulandwe ngu-Sally Cave futhi sinciphise zonke izindleko ukuze senze lokhu kufinyeleleke kuwo wonke umuntu.

Lokhu kusho ukuthi siziqedile izindleko zokukhiqiza ezibizayo ezikhokhiswa Izinto Ezizwakalayo kanye nokuhlelwa nakho konke okwenza le ncwadi iphelele ngo-100%. Izinga elijwayelekile lokuhamba kwencwadi ezwakalayo eqhubeka nale nqubo cishe lingama-$37 US noma ngaphezulu. Asikukhokhisi lokho kodwa sicela umnikelo ka-$5 ukuze usisize sixhase ukuhumusha okwengeziwe ngokuzayo.

Siyethemba ukuthi nizolalela izimfundiso ezikule ncwadi ngenkathi nishayela noma nihamba nomakhalekhukhwini benu.

Umhlangano We-Shabbat Zoom

Baningi abantu abadinga inhlanganyelo futhi abahlezi emakhaya ngeSabatha kungekho oxoxa naye noma abaphikisana naye. Ngifuna ukunikhuthaza nonke ukuthi nihlanganyele nathi nge-Shabbat ngo-12:30 PM Eastern Time Zone, futhi nimeme nabanye ukuba beze futhi bahlanganyele nathi. Uma isikhathi singalungile ungalalela ukufundisa kanye ne-midrash ngemuva kweyethu youtube channell.

Sithemba ukuthi ungamema labo abafuna ukugcina iTorah ukuthi beze bazohlanganyela nathi ngokushaya isixhumanisi esingezansi. Kucishe kufane nohlelo lwezingxoxo lweTorah olufundisa inhlanganyelo nabantu abavela emhlabeni wonke ababamba iqhaza futhi babelane ngemininingwane yabo kanye nokuqonda kwabo.

Siqala ngomculo othile bese sithandaza futhi kube sengathi uhlezi ekhishini emuva eNewfoundland uphuza inkomishi yekhofi futhi sonke sijabulela ukuba ndawonye. Ngethemba ukuthi uzosijabulela ngenkampani yakho ngolunye usuku.

 ISabatha likaJan 30, 2021, lizoba ngo-1 PM Eastern. Igumbi livula ngo-12:30 EST

U-Joseph Dumond ukumemela emhlanganweni we-Zoom ohleliwe.

Isihloko: Igumbi Lomhlangano Lomuntu Ka-Joseph Dumond

Joyina Umhlangano Wokusondeza

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/3505855877

I-ID Yomhlangano: 350 585 5877

Ukuthepha okukodwa okuhambayo

+13017158592,,3505855877# US (Germantown)

+13126266799,,3505855877# US (Chicago)

Shayela endaweni yakho

        +1 301 715 8592 US (Germantown)

        +1 312 626 6799 US (Chicago)

        +1 346 248 7799 US (eHouston)

        +1 669 900 6833 US (eSan Jose)

        +1 929 436 2866 US (eNew York)

        +1 253 215 8782 US (Tacoma)

I-ID Yomhlangano: 350 585 5877

Thola inombolo yakho yangakini: https://us02web.zoom.us/u/kctjNqPYv0

Ingxenye ye-Septennial Torah

Uma uya Ingxenye yeTorah esigabeni sethu esifakwe kungobo yomlando, usungakwazi ukuya onyakeni wesi-4 okungunyaka wesi-4 Womjikelezo WeSabatha, lesi esikuwo manje, njengoba sisho phezulu kuyo yonke Incwadi Yezindaba. Lapho ungaskrolela phansi kuze kufike kuJanuwari 23, 2021, futhi ubone ukuthi leli Shabbat kungenzeka ukuthi simatasatasa ngalo.

I-Gen 20
AbaHluleli 16-17
Tihlabelelo 41-44
UMathewu 25

Uma uphuthelwe izinto ezithokozisayo emasontweni edlule njengoba sifunda leso sigaba ungahamba uyobuka amaShabbats adlule esigabeni sethu sezindaba.

Inkonzo yeShabbat Kids

Emhlanganweni wethu wobuholi kuleli sonto, kuphakanyiswe ukuthi siqale ukuba nezinkonzo zeShabbat eziqondene ngqo nezingane. Njengoba lokhu kwakuzwakala kukuhle kulabo ababesemhlanganweni, kwaphakama umbuzo, ngokuthi bangaki ngempela ababengathanda ukuba khona futhi iminyaka emingaki? Futhi-ke ngubani ongaba nentshisekelo yokusebenza kulokhu futhi athuthukise lokhu nathi?

Ngakho manje ngikubuza umbuzo. Uma unentshisekelo ngicela ungishiyele inothi bese uphendula imibuzo kulesi sixhumanisi esingezansi.

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/3KM53B3

Ingxoxo Ebukhoma NoMarku noKoresi

NgoMsombuluko odlule ngoJanuwari 25, 2021, senze ingxoxo ebukhoma noMark Webb kanye noCyrus Harding. Ngangazi ukuthi bobabili babenolwazi mayelana nezinto ezithile ezingathakazelisa omunye kanye nami kanye nani nonke.

Sake sacisha ividiyo nemakrofoni, futhi sasisanda kukhuluma ngemva kwalokho, base-ke babelane ngezinto ezazimangalisa kakhulu futhi ngazisola ngokuvala ividiyo. Ungabuka wethu interview kule link.

Bobabili bangibhalela futhi basho ukuthi bayijabulele kangakanani inkulumo yethu. Ngakho ngibacele ukuthi baphinde bangene kulo Msombuluko ngomhla ka-1 February 2021, ngo-3 PM Eastern. Sizophinda singene bukhoma ku-Facebook, Youtube kanye nakuPeriscope. Uma uzwe ukuthi inhlolokhono yokugcina yayiyinhle, ngicabanga ukuthi le ingasimangalisa sonke. Ngijabule kakhulu ngalokhu okushiwo.

Hlanganyela nathi bukhoma ngo-3 PM Eastern ngoMsombuluko Februwari 1 kule nhlolokhono. Ungabhalisela i- sightedmoon.com ku-youtube ukuze ungaphuthelwa isexwayiso noma ungilandele ku-facebook.

Unyaka Omusha Uqala kuleli sonto Elizayo

Shanah Tovah

NgoLwesihlanu, ngoFebhuwari 12, 2021 ekushoneni kwelanga njengoba kuqala iSabatha kuzoba nguNyaka Omusha. Usukulungele? Ingabe ubuzilungiselela? Manje isikhona.

Zihlole ngokwakho ubufakazi futhi wena nomndeni wakho ninqume. Uzoba yiNkosi embusweni kaJehova. Ungase futhi ube ngomunye wabaPristi kulowo Mbuso. Kufanele wazi futhi uqonde ukuthi kungani sicinga ibhali nokuthi imele ini.

Ayihlangene ne-Equinox. Akuhlangene nokubala izinsuku. Kuhlobene nakho konke kuGenesise 1:14 nokuvumela uJehova asebenzise ilanga ukufudumeza umhlaba nokuvuthisa ibhali ukuze sibe nolibo lwayo lokunikela njengomnikelo wokuzuliswa ngakusasa ngemva kweSabatha lamasonto onke, phakathi nezinsuku zesabatha. Isinkwa Esingenamvubelo.

Kudingeka ukufunde lokhu bese ufundisa abanye eMbusweni wakho ukuthi kungani senza lokhu.

Le nyanga ye-12 esikuyo njengamanje izoba yinyanga yezinsuku ezingama-30. Ngeke kube nokuqagela mayelana nokuthi Izinsuku Ezingcwele zinini ngenyanga yokuqala.

NgoLwesihlanu, ngo-February 26 ekushoneni kwelanga nangoMgqibelo ngo-February 27 kuyoba usuku lwe-14 lukaNisan. Usuku Lokulungiselela IPhasika. Ngosuku uYehshua-Jehova abulawa ngalo ekhokha isigwebo sentambo kwakufanele sikhokhe ngokuphila kwethu. Wasithanda kakhulu.

NgoMgqibelo ngemva kokushona kwelanga ngoFebhuwari 27, kuyoba ukuqala koSuku Olungcwele Oluphakeme oluzongena ngeSonto February 28. Lolu wusuku lokuqala lwesinkwa esingenamvubelo futhi akukho mvubelo oyotholwa endlini yakho. Kumelwe udle isinkwa esingenamvubelo izinsuku ezingu-7. Ngakho-ke kuzofanele wenze okunye kulo nyaka njengoba ngingacabangi ukuthi kuzoba khona ezitolo kusenesikhathi. Yonke imvubelo kufanele iphume ezindlini zenu nangalo lolu suku. Ayikho imvubelo. Awekho amapheshana enkukhu yesinkwa. Awekho ama-crackers, akukho kugcinwa endaweni yakho kuze kube ngemva kwalokho. Kumelwe ukhiphe yonke imvubelo. Yikhiphe noma udle ngaphambi kwalolu suku. Ungaziphuci izibusiso ongase uzithole uma ulalela.

Ukushona kwelanga ngoMgqibelo ngemva kokushona kwelanga yilapho iWundlu lePhasika kumelwe lidliwe. Akudingekile ukuthi udle imvu kodwa yilapho ukudla kudliwa khona. Idliwa ngoSuku Lokuqala Olungcwele oluphakeme.

Ngomhla zi-5 kuNdasa ekushoneni kwelanga kuya ku-Mashi 6 ekushoneni kwelanga kuyoba usuku lwesi-7 Lwezinkwa Ezingenamvubelo. Emva kwalokhu ungadla imvubelo futhi.

Nawu umbiko kaBheka mayelana nebhali. Yahlulela futhi wenze isinqumo sakho.

Isiprofetho Esembulwa Phambi Kwakho

Luk 21:11 kuyakuba khona ukuzamazama komhlaba okukhulu ezindaweni ngendlala nezifo. Futhi kuyoba khona ezesabekayo nezibonakaliso ezinkulu ezivela ezulwini.

NgokukaLuka 21:12 Kepha ngaphambi kwakho konke lokho bayakunibamba, banizingele, baninikele emasinagogeni nasematilongweni, niyiswe phambi kwamakhosi nababusi ngenxa yegama lami.

Luk 21:13 Kuyobuyela kini kube ngubufakazi b.

NgokukaLuka 21:14 Ngakho kugcineni ezinhliziyweni zenu ukuba ningacabangi ngaphambili eniyakuziphendulela ngakho.

NgokukaLuka 21:15 Ngokuba mina ngiyakuninika umlomo nokuhlakanipha abangayikuphika noma ukumelana nabo bonke abamelene nani.

NgokukaLuka 21:16 niyakukhashelwa nangabazali, nabafowabo, nezihlobo, nabangane. Futhi bayobangela ukuba abanye kini babulawe.

Luk 21:17 niyakuzondwa yibo bonke ngenxa yegama lami;

Luk 21:18 kepha akuyikulahleka nalunwele lwekhanda lenu.

Luk 21:19 ngokubekezela kwenu niyozuza imiphefumulo yenu m.

Qaphela isithembiso ekugcineni lapho. Yiba nesineke futhi ungaphindiseli emuva noma uthanda.

Angizizwa ngifaneleka nganoma iyiphi indlela ukwabelana nawe ngale mfundiso elandelayo. Eqinisweni angifaneleki nhlobo. Umshado wami uhluleke kabuhlungu. Enye yezinto engangizizonda kakhulu kwakuwukuthola iseluleko kubantu ababedivosile izikhathi ezimbili noma ezintathu.

Cha le mfundiso elandelayo yayingeyami. Sengiyifunde izikhathi eziningi ngaphambi kokuba nginqume ukukuhlanganyela nani. Isikhathi ngasinye kwehla izinyembezi emehlweni ami lapho ngibona izinto ezangibangela kanye nezinto engizenzile ezibonelweni ezilandelayo. Kodwa-ke ngiyazi ukuthi abaningi benu bahlushwa yizinto ezifanayo ezixoxwa lapha. Kodwa akuzona ezaMadoda nabafazi kuphela. Iphinde ibe ngeyoBaba kanye namadodakazi. Omama Namadodana. Owesilisa nowesifazane ngokuyisisekelo.

Ngiyazi ukuthi abanye benu ngeke bakufunde lokhu. Kubi kakhulu lokho. Ngiyazi ukuba ngedwa nokuchitha iminyaka yami yegolide ngedwa akuyona into engangiyifuna. Kodwa isikhathi ngasinye lapho ngifunda lokhu, ngikhunjuzwa indlela owami umshado wawonakaliswa ngayo izenzo zami kanye nomkami, ukusabela ngendlela ngamunye wethu ayephathana ngayo ezingxabanweni zethu. Sobabili senza amaphutha futhi manje sobabili siyahlupheka ngoba asikwazanga ukuthola ukuthi singaphuma kanjani emijikelezweni ehlanya esasiqhubeka nayo.

Kwangathi ningabi nenkani nibheke ingulube njengoba besizoshintsha.

Uthando Nenhlonipho

Sesizoqala izifundo eziyisi-7 ezikhuluma ngoThando neNhlonipho. Bengilokhu ngibheka le ndaba ebudlelwaneni bomshado wami nokuhlukana kwayo muva nje. Sekuyiminyaka eminingi ngazi ngeziningi zalezi zinto.

Ngixhumane nombhali ngambuza ukuthi angasenzela yini i-online teaching kodwa usayizi weqembu lethu belingalikhulu ngokwanele. Ngokuqinisekile angizizwa ngifaneleka nakancane ukufundisa lesi sifundo kuwe. Kodwa futhi ngiyazi ukuthi ukuze usifunde kahle isifundo, kudingeka usifundise.

Ziningi izinto ezishiwo kimina nakule nkonzo kulo nyaka ezingikhombise ukuthi iningi lenu liyashoda kulezi zimfanelo. Sengivumile ukuthi nginguye. Ngakho ngenxa yethu ngizokwabelana nawe ngalolu chungechunge lwezingxenye eziyisi-7 futhi mhlawumbe, mhlawumbe abambalwa benu bazoluthola. Mhlawumbe nami.

YENZA INTO E-#1 ENXOXWENI EZINGOZISO ZOCWANINGO INGASIZA KAKHULU UBUDLELWANE BAKHO.

Ngesikhathi Sezingxabano, Uzwakala Kanjani Emshadweni Wakho?

Lapho nobabili niqala ukuhlangana, izingxoxo zenu zazihambisana nomoya wothando nenhlonipho komunye nomunye okwenza ubuhlobo benu bube nenjongo.

Ucwaningo Ngephimbo Emshadweni

Ngemva kokutadisha imibhangqwana eyizinkulungwane ezimbili iminyaka engamashumi amabili umcwaningi wathi encwadini ethi, Kungani Imishado Iphumelela Noma Ihluleka, “Imibhangqwana eminingi . . . phakathi neminyaka, babefuna ngempela izinto ezimbili emshadweni wabo—uthando nenhlonipho” (ikhasi 18). Kwenye indawo sifunda ukuthi, “Ekutadisheni kwethu ngemishado yesikhathi eside saqasha imibhangqwana evela ezizindeni ezihlukene ababeshade iminyaka engamashumi amabili kuya kwamashumi amane nomlingani oyedwa. Naphezu komehluko omkhulu wemisebenzi, izindlela zokuphila, nemininingwane yokuphila kwabo kwansuku zonke, ngibona ukufana okuphawulekayo. ngezwi lezingxoxo zabo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bathathe siphi isitayela somshado, izingxoxo zabo, ingxenye enkulu, ziqhutshwa ngaphansi kwezithako ezimbili eziyisisekelo: love nenhlonipho”(K. 61).

Ngibikezela ukuthi waba naleli zwi ekuqaleni kobudlelwano. Kodwa lokhu kuphakamisa umbuzo: Ingabe leso simo sothando nenhlonipho sisekhona? Lapho ukhuluma nomngane wakho womshado, ingabe uzwakala unothando nenhlonipho? Angisho ukuthi kufanele kukhulunywe nabo ngale ndlela ngenxa yento okungenzeka ukuthi bayenzile ekulimaze kakhulu. Ngisho nje ukuthi ucwaningo luveza ukuthi uma uzwakala unenzondo futhi udelela lowo owakwakho njengomuntu, owakwakho ngeke ezwe izinhliziyo zakho ezijulile, esikhathini esingeside. Lokhu kungase kungabi nobulungiswa kodwa kuyiqiniso.

Ukuba sengcupheni ngokobulili

Ingabe lesi simo sengqondo nesimo sothando nenhlonipho kuyisihluthulelo ngempela? IBhayibheli lasho okufanayo eminyakeni eyizinkulungwane ezimbili edlule kwabase-Efesu 5:33, okuyivesi elifingqiwe lenkulumo enkulu kunazo zonke eBhayibhelini ekhuluma ngomshado. Lapho, uNkulunkulu uyala indoda ukuba ithande futhi umfazi ahloniphe. Nokho, iBhayibheli liqokomisa umehluko wobulili. Ngokuvamile, amakhosikazi adinga uthando futhi amadoda adinga inhlonipho.

Kanye nawe, ngizibuze ukuthi kungani, ikakhulukazi njengoba amakhosikazi edinga INHLONIPHO futhi ambalwa amakhosikazi azizwa ENHLONIPHO ngamadoda awo.

Futhi, ngangazi ukuthi wonke umuntu wayedinga uthando nenhlonipho ngokulinganayo, pho kungani indoda iyalwa ukuba ithande futhi inkosikazi iyalwa ukuba ihloniphe? Ingabe lona umbono wezwe wakudala?

Ngithole okuthile okuthakazelisayo. Ngabuza abantu abayizinkulungwane eziyisikhombisa lo mbuzo: “Lapho nixabene nomngane wakho womshado, ingabe uzizwa ungathandwa noma ungahlonishwa?” Abayeni abangamaphesenti angu-83 bathi bazizwa bengahlonishwa. Amaphesenti angu-72 amakhosikazi athi azizwa engathandwa.

Isidingo Sangempela Nesidingo Sokuzizwa

Kuyamangaza! Nakuba wonke umuntu edinga uthando nenhlonipho ngokulinganayo, isidingo esizizwayo siyahluka phakathi kwamadoda namakhosikazi phakathi nezingxabano. Lokhu bekubalulekile ngokwezibalo.

Umyeni akaludingi UTHANDO? Impela, kodwa ngokusobala phakathi nengxabano amadoda amaningi aqinisekiswa ngothando lwamakhosikazi awo. Abesifazane bathanda ukuthanda. Buza uHarry, “Ingabe umkakho uyakuthanda?” Uzophendula athi, “Yebo.” Bese ubuza, “Ingabe uyakuthanda?” Uzophendula athi, “Cha, hhayi namuhla.” Uma inkosikazi ilalele iyakwazi ukukhala ithi, “Uqinisile. Ngiyamthanda ithoni, kodwa okwamanje angisamthandi futhi angisamhloniphi. Ukhohlwe usuku lwami lokuzalwa futhi wangitshela ukuthi akakwazi ukwenza ingoma yepiyano yendodakazi yethu. Ngilimele futhi ngiyahlanya. Akangifanele ukuhlonishwa kwami. Akakayitholi.”

Umfazi akayidingi INHLONIPHO? Impela, kodwa ayikho ifilimu egcina ngokuthi iqhawe ligone intombi ehlengiwe futhi lithi, "Ngifuna ukukuhlonipha impilo yami yonke." Ngaphezu kwalokho, alikho ikhadi embonini yamakhadi elisuka endodeni liya enkosikazini elithi, “Mntanami, ngikuhlonipha ngempela ngosuku lwethu lwesikhumbuzo!”

Liyini iphuzu lami? Ngokuvamile, amakhosikazi amaningi “ezwa” amazwi angenaluthando evela kubayeni bawo. Uyazi ukuthi unendaba (lonke ucwaningo lubika ukuthi owesifazane ungumnakekeli futhi lokhu okutholiwe akuveli emashadini) kodwa uyazibuza, ingabe unendaba njengaye? Amakhosikazi amaningi aye athi kimi, “Ngiyazibuza ukuthi ungithanda ngendlela engimthanda ngayo.” Umfazi angazizwa engalondekile ngothando lwakhe futhi ahlunge izenzo zakhe nendlela asabela ngayo ngokusebenzisa igridi yothando. Omunye wemibuzo evame ukubuzwa inkosikazi ngomyeni wayo uthi, “Ingabe uyangithanda?” Noma isicelo esivamile siwukuthi, “Ngitshele ukuthi uyangithanda.” Lapho engqubuzana uchaza intukuthelo, ukhahlo, noma ukukhanda ngamatshe njengokungabi naluthando. “Ukuzwa” kanjalo. Isihloko okukhulunywa ngaso silandela ukuthi manje uzizwa engathandwa. Ngeke ezwe okunye okuningi ngalokho umyeni azama ukukusho. Ngisho noma ezizwa engahlonishwa isonto nesonto ekugcineni uzofinyelela othandweni njengesidingo sakhe esiyisisekelo ngokubabaza, “Ungasho kanjani ukuthi uyangithanda futhi ungiphatha ngendelelo?”

Ngendlela efanayo, amadoda amaningi “ezwa” amazwi okudelela amakhosikazi awo, futhi lapho ezwa, ngeke ezwe okwengeziwe ngalokho amakhosikazi azama ukukusho, ngisho noma inkosikazi ibonisa uthando lwayo. Eqinisweni, amanye amadoda ayacasuka lapho emuzwa ethi, “Ngisho lezi zinto ngoba ngikuthanda.” Uyakwazi ukuthi, “Ngiyazi ukuthi uyangithanda” kodwa aphinde athule ngenxa yobuhlungu nentukuthelo. Uhlunga ukugxekwa kwakhe njengokungahloniphi ukuthi ungubani njengomuntu futhi uhlehla ngokomzwelo. Ayikho indoda ezwa imizwa yothando nothando ngenkosikazi ezizwa idelela lokho eyikho njengomuntu, nakuba yazi ukuthi iyayithanda.

Ingabe usanda kushada futhi ufuna ukuqiniseka ukuthi umshado uqala ngonyawo olufanele, ingabe uneminyaka eyisishiyagalombili ushadile futhi ufuna ukuvuselela ubuhlobo, noma ingabe usenkingeni futhi ufuna ukubhekana nokuwohloka kokwethembana? Engikwaziyo ukuthi uma iphimbo lakho lizwakala linenzondo nendelelo, noma ngabe uzikhulumele kangakanani kulokho okushoyo, uzovimba izinto ezinhle ukuthi zenzeke ebudlelwaneni. Uzomisa noma iyiphi inqubekela phambili. Angisho ukuthi owakwakho uzophendula ngezwi elinothando nenhlonipho; Ngithi nje ngeke bakuphendule iphimbo lakho elinobutha nendelelo.

Lokhu Kuyasebenza!

Yize singekho isiqinisekiso esiphelele, ngibone izinto ezinhle zenzeka kaningi ngendlela efanele ngenkathi ngikhuluma ngezinkinga. Kunjalo ngomuntu osanda kushada noma isisulu sokuphinga. Lokhu akulungile neze kwabamsulwa kodwa kuyadingeka empumelelweni yesikhathi esizayo.

Ngisho noma unomuzwa wokuthi umngane wakho womshado unecala ngamaphesenti angu-90 ngezingxabano zomshado, ngiye ngathola ukuthi lapho uqhubeka ngamaphesenti angu-10, futhi unquma ukuzwakala unothando nenhlonipho, into eyisimangaliso iqala ukwenzeka. Amaqembu amaningi anecala aqala ukuthamba futhi aphendule kahle. Ukususwa kwephimbo elinobutha nendelelo kwenza izimanga.

Umbuzo Wanamuhla: Ingabe uzwakala unothando nenhlonipho lapho ucasukile noma ingabe owakwakho ezwa ubutha nokudelela ezwini lakho?

Isenzo Sanamuhla: Ngaphambi kokuba ukhulume zibuze, “Ingabe lokho engizokusho (iphimbo lami lengxoxo) kuzozwakala kunothando nenhlonipho kumlingani wami womshado?”

2. SEBENZISA ISIVIVINYO ESIYI-60 YESIBILI KUMASHADE WAKHO OWEMBULELA AMANDLA ONAWO OKUTHONYA UBUDLELWANO.

**Ungathanda inguqulo yevidiyo yoHlelo Lwezinsuku Eziyi-15 (okubhaliwe nevidiyo kungukuqukethwe okufanayo kodwa kokubili kufakwe nevidiyo)?

Inguqulo Yevidiyo

Manje buyela ku-#2 ohlelweni:

Ingabe Uyazi Ukugcwalisa I-Emotional Air Tank Yomlingani Wakho?

Ukwenza Idiphozithi Kusebenze!

UNkulunkulu wadala umngane wakho womshado ukuba asabele ekuboniseni kwakho uthando nenhlonipho. Kuyasebenza. Maviki onke ngithola ama-imeyili afana nalawa:

Inkosikazi ethile iyabhala, “Ngiphatheke kabi ngokuthi sengineminyaka engu-22 ngishadile, futhi ngiqala nje ukuqonda isigijimi senhlonipho. Ngabhalela umyeni wami izincwadi ezimbili mayelana nokuthi kungani ngangimhlonipha. Ngimangele indlela okumthambise ngayo ekuphenduleni kwakhe kimi. Sekuyiminyaka ngithandazela ukuthi umyeni wami angithande futhi akhulume ulimi lwami lothando. Kodwa lapho ngiqala ukukhuluma ulimi lwakhe, ube esephendula ngalokho ebengikufuna.”

Umyeni uthumela i-imeyili, “Ngihlala eHungary futhi ngiyitholile incwadi yakho kumfowethu. . . Sobabili sibhekene nobunzima emishadweni yethu. Ngaqala ukuyifunda ngokushesha futhi isisize kakhulu. Umkami useyibonile indlela yami yothando olungenamibandela futhi usengihlonipha kakhulu. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngathola imizwa yothando yakudala, “yothando,” kimi ngakuye eye yangcwatshwa eminyakeni edlule ngenxa yeCrazy Cycles yethu.

Yenza Ukuhlolwa Kwenhlonipho

Ithi kumyeni wakho, "Bengicabanga ngawe namuhla nezinto ezimbalwa ngawe engizihloniphayo, futhi ngifuna wazi ukuthi ngiyakuhlonipha." Bese uphuma ekamelweni. Ngibikezela ukuthi uzokulandela noma aphinde akushayele ukuze athole ukuthi yini. Ngaleso sikhathi sho okuthile okusuka enhliziyweni yakho njengokuthi, “Ngiyakuhlonipha ukuthakasela kwakho kimina nomndeni. Uyindoda enenhliziyo enhle. Ngiyabonga." Ezimweni eziningi uzobona amandla amahle angena emoyeni wakhe. Lokhu kubonisa ithonya onalo emshadweni. Uma ebuza, “Kungani usho lokhu?” vele uphawule ukuthi kukushaye njengeqiniso futhi ubufuna azi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani.

Umfana uyabhala, “Ngenze i-Respect Test kusihlwa lapho ngifika ekhaya. Ngamncoma ngendlela ayephethe kahle ngayo yonke into ngingasekho . . . nendlela okube nomusa ngayo ukungivumela ukuba ngiye engqungqutheleni nendlela okwangenza ngazizwa ngihloniphekile ngayo ngaye. Ngemva kwemizuzu embalwa wasikisela ukuthi sihambe sonke siyoTHENGA!! Wabe esengitshela ukuthi umshado wethu ubaluleke kangakanani kuye!! Emasontweni ambalwa edlule besingasakhulumi nokukhuluma!”

Inkosikazi ethile iyabhala, “Sinomshado ophumelelayo, kodwa bengihlale ngazi ukuthi kukhona okushodayo—ngicabanga ukuthi kwakuyinhlonipho kuye. Bengingazi nje ukuthi uyayidinga. Sengichithe isikhathi esiningi ngizama ukuthola ukuthi ngingamthanda kanjani kakhulu ngoba enhliziyweni yami bengazi ukuthi angizifezi izidingo zakhe.”

Yenza Isivivinyo Sothando

Ithi kumkakho, "Bengicabanga ngawe namuhla kanye nezinto ezimbalwa ngawe engizithandayo, futhi ngifuna wazi ukuthi ngiyakuthanda." Bese uphuma ekamelweni. Ngibikezela ukuthi uzokulandela noma aphinde akushayele ukuze athole ukuthi yini. Ngaleso sikhathi sho okuthile okusuka enhliziyweni yakho njengokuthi, “Ngithanda umusa wakho kimi nomndeni. Ungowesifazane onenhliziyo enhle. Ngiyabonga." Ezimweni eziningi uzobona amandla amahle angena emoyeni wakhe. Lokhu kubonisa ithonya onalo emshadweni. Uma ebuza, “Kungani usho lokhu?” vele uphawule ukuthi kukushaye njengeqiniso futhi ubufuna ukuthi azi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani.

Umyeni uthumela i-imeyili, “Umlayezo wakho ububonakala uphikisana nakho konke engangikubona esikweni kanye nezithakazelo zami siqu. . . . Kodwa lapho ngisebenzisa uthando kumkami—uSHAZAM—umkami wasabela futhi umshado wami waba ngcono.”

Ake ngifake, lena akuyona ithiyori noma indlela yokuhlola njengoba kuwukuzinikela ukuhlangabezana nesidingo sowakwakho, ayoba naso ukuphila kwakhe konke. Ngendlela yokufanisa, indoda akufanele neze ithi, “Ngizozama inkolelo-mbono yakho, Emerson, ngokuthanda umfazi. Ngizokuhlola lokhu kodwa uma kungasebenzi ngendlela egculisayo, angiqhubeki.” Cha, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi oshade naye usabela kanjani, ukuthanda nokuhlonipha ngaphandle kwemibandela kuhlale kuyindlela okufanele uyithathe.

Umjikelezo Onika Amandla

Yiziphi ezinye zezinto ezithile ongase ucabange ukuzenza? Ngibhekisela kuwo ngokuthi Umjikelezo Onika Amandla: uthando lwakhe lushukumisa inhlonipho yakhe futhi inhlonipho yakhe ishukumisa uthando lwakhe. Lapho sihlangabezana nesidingo sabalingani bethu—ukugcwalisa amandla abo angokomzwelo—bathambekele ekufuneni ukusabela.

Gcwalisa Ithangi Lakhe Lothando Ngamadiphozithi Othando

Hlukanisa ukungabi nandaba kwakhe njengokukhalela uthando, hhayi njengokudelela wena. Ungathathi ukucasuka kodwa yehlisa umoya. Zama ukuphendula esidingweni sakhe sothando kunokuba umkhombise ukuthi unegetive futhi akahloniphi. Lokhu kuzomnika amandla.

Nakuba kukucasula ukungamhloniphi, buza ukuthi ubungenalo yini uthando ngaphambili futhi uxolise. Mbuke athambe mhlawumbe axolise ngokungamhloniphi.

Ungazivikele uma lokhu kubonakala kuye njengokuzithethelela nokubeka icala. Zama ukulalela kuqala isikhalo sakhe. Zama ukuzwela kuqala.

Lapho esedabukile ngenxa yokungabonisi uthando kwakho, hamba uye kuye uthi, “Ngiyaxolisa. Uzongixolela?” Zimbalwa izinto ezikhulula ukungabi nandaba emoyeni womuntu wesifazane njengokuxolisa. Ngempela, uzizwa ejabule.

Mnikeze amandla ngokuphumelela lapho wehlulekile khona; akalindele ukuthi uphelele kodwa uzophindela ezithendeni zamaphutha akho. Lokhu kuyambusisa.

Gcwalisa I-Respect Tank Yakhe Ngamadiphozithi Enhlonipho

Nakuba enza amaphutha, mazise ukuthi uyakholelwa ekuthandeni kwakhe. Lokhu kuzomnika amandla.

Ungabonisi ukudelela ubudoda bakhe lapho ezwa ukuthi isisusa sezenzo zakhe sibangelwa isifiso sakhe sokwenza into ehloniphekile nelungile. Ngokwesibonelo, ingabe uyathula ukuze avimbele ukungqubuzana ukuba kuqhubeke? Ingabe uzama ukungabi naluthando noma ukwenza okuhloniphekayo phakathi kwabantu?

Buza ngaphambi kokuba ukhulume naye, “Ingabe amazwi ami azozwakala njengokwedelela kuye?” uze umbuze ukuthi uzwakale sengathi awuhloniphi. Mbuke athambe futhi abonise ukwazisa ngokuzama ukumqonda ngaphandle kokumahlulela njengomuntu ozidlayo.

Yithi, “Lokho wazizwa ungenalo uthando,” hhayi “Awunaluthando”; lungisa udaba esikhundleni sokumhlasela. Uzohlala ebambe iqhaza engxoxweni ikakhulukazi uma wengeza, "Ngidinga amandla akho lapho ngizizwa ngisengozini." Kungani ubulala isimilo sakhe lapho udinga izimfanelo zakhe ezinhle?

Nakuba “inhlonipho” ngomyeni ingejwayelekile kwabesifazane abaningi, themba futhi ulalele iZwi likaNkulunkulu kwabase-Efesu 5:33 kanye neyoku-1 Petru 3:1–2. Gwema ukugxekwa nokugconwa ngalo mbono phambi komyeni wakho. Ungavumeli ukwesaba kwakho kukukhohlise ukuthi uzoba umata wesango futhi uphelelwe amandla. Kholwa ngokuphambene njengoba ubheka ngale kwendoda yakho eNkosini.

Umbuzo Wanamuhla: Nakuba ubungahlosile ukukhipha imali eningi enhliziyweni yomngane wakho womshado kunokufaka enhliziyweni yomngane wakho womshado, ingabe ucabanga ukuthi ubenze bakhipha umoya ngaphezu kokuzizwa unamandla?

Isenzo Sanamuhla: Njengomyeni, emahoreni angamashumi amabili nane alandelayo ngizokwenza into eyodwa ezwa uthando kumkami futhi ngibheke ukuthi umoya wakhe uyaphila yini. Njengomfazi ngizokwenza into eyodwa ezizwa ihlonipha umyeni wami futhi ngibheke ukuthi umoya wakhe uyathamba yini kimi.

3. BHEKA UMEHLUKO OPHINKI KANYE NOBLUE ABANINGI ABAKAFAKAZA KWAKUNGUMZUZWANA “AH-HA” OWASHINTSHA UMSHADO WABO UBE NGCONO.

Ithini Indlela Yakho Yowesilisa Noma Yowesifazane Kumlingani Wakho Ngesikhathi Sengxabano?

Imibono ebomvana neluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka iholela ekungaqondini. Ifaka umbala esikubonayo, esikuzwayo nesikushoyo.

XX kanye ne-XY Chromosome

Nakuba wena nomngane wakho womshado nilingana njengowesilisa nowesifazane, anifani. Kukhona i-chromosome ye-XX ne-XY. Kukhona isidoda neqanda. Uma ubulili bungakhathali, kungani-ke kuxwayiswa zonke iziphuzo ezidakayo: “Ngokusho kukadokotela ohlinzayo, abesifazane akufanele baphuze uphuzo oludakayo ngesikhathi bekhulelwe ngenxa yengozi yokuzalwa beneziphene”? Umehluko wobulili uyinto engokoqobo esithinta ngokomzimba, ngokwenhlalo, nangokomzwelo. Ngokwesibonelo, ubuchopho bamantombazane asesibelethweni bugcwele amakhemikhali athile ngaphezu kobuchopho babafana ngamaphesenti angu-400, anengxenye ephawulekayo ekukhuliseni abesifazane. I-Estrogen ne-testosterone ayikwazi ukushaywa indiva.

Udokotela wezifo zengqondo uLouann Brizendine, kokubili ongumcwaningi nodokotela, wabhala encwadini yakhe ethi The Female Brain, “Ezakhini zofuzo eziyizinkulungwane ezingamashumi amathathu ku-genome yomuntu, umehluko ongaphansi kwephesenti elilodwa phakathi kobulili mncane. Kodwa lowo mehluko wamaphesenti unomthelela kuwo wonke amangqamuzana emizimbeni yethu—kusukela emithanjeni ebhalisa injabulo nobuhlungu kuya kuma-neuron adlulisa umbono, imicabango, imizwa, kanye nemizwa” ( The Female Brain [New York: Broadway Books, 2006]).

Wabuye wabhala, “Abesilisa nabesifazane basabela ezinhlotsheni ezihlukene zokucindezeleka. Amantombazane aqala ukusabela kakhulu ekucindezelweni kobudlelwane kanye nabafana ezinseleleni zabo. Ukungqubuzana kobudlelwane yikho okwenza intombazane esemusha ibe nengcindezi. Udinga ukuthandwa futhi axhunywe emphakathini; umfana osemusha udinga ukuhlonishwa” (ikhasi 34–35).

Nakuba Elingana, Akunjalo

Ingabe uke wakhukhuleka ekukholweni ukuthi uNkulunkulu usungule lo mehluko ukuze uphelelise omunye? Ngabe ucabanga ukuthi noma yimuphi umehluko okhona uzoba yingozi kwabesifazane? Lapho ufunda ukuthi indoda enenhliziyo enhle idinga ukuzizwa ihlonishwa ngalokho ayiko njengomuntu ngaphandle kokusebenza kwayo, uyaphawula yini, “Lokhu kusekelwe ekuthetheleleni kwayo”?

Noma, niyakholwa yini ukuthi uNkulunkulu waklama lo mehluko ukuze adale ukusebenzisana, ukuthi nobabili nilethe etafuleni okuthile okukhethekile kakhulu ukubonakalisa umfanekiso kaNkulunkulu?

Cabanga ngalokhu: Lapho obomvana noluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka kuhlanganiswa, ubona onsomi, umbala wasebukhosini, umbala kaNkulunkulu. Ndawonye, ​​njengendoda nomfazi, nibonakalisa umfanekiso Wakhe. Siyafunda kuGenesise 1:27 , “UNkulunkulu wamdala umuntu ngomfanekiso wakhe, wamdala ngomfanekiso kaNkulunkulu; wabadala owesilisa nowesifazane.”

I-$ 50,000 isanda kuchithwa ekucwaningweni okukhulu kwalabo abaye benza izinto zothando kanye neNhlonipho. Ezigabeni eziyinhloko eziyishumi nanhlanu eziye zaba usizo ezincwadini zethu, ucwaningo lwabonisa ukuthi indawo #1 eyayizuzisa kakhulu kokubili amadoda nabafazi yayiwukuthi: “Ukwazisa umklamo kaNkulunkulu wabesilisa nabesifazane.”

Laba bantu babona ukuthi nakuba amadoda nabesifazane belingana, abafani. Abaningi babo benza ukulungisa ngesikhathi sokungqubuzana nokungavumelani. Bashintsha indlela yabo yokwenza izinto. Esikhundleni sokwahlulela umngane womshado wabo njengongalungile futhi ongavamile ngenxa yokuzizwa nokubona okuhlukile, baphetha ngokuthi akukho okubi, okuhlukile nje. Bahoxa phakathi nokungaboni ngaso linye ngenxa yezintandokazi zephimbo elilulazayo elizwakala lingenaluthando nelingahloniphi. Baqala ukuqonda ukungezwani kwabesilisa nabesifazane ekuxazululeni izingxabano. Waphetha ngokuthi, “Akazami ukudelela kodwa ufuna ukwenza uthando.” Waqaphela, “Akazami ukungabi naluthando kodwa ufisa ukwenza into ehloniphekile.”

Ngabe ngabelana ngani nalaba bashadikazi?

Ingabe Unothando Noma Uyadelela?

Lapho kunokungqubuzana, ngokuvamile inkosikazi isondela endodeni ukuze ixhumane ngoba iyakhathalela. Ucwaningo mayelana nemvelo yokukhulisa owesifazane alukho eshadini. Ungumnakekeli. Ngakho, ubhekana ngoba uyakhathalela. Unikeza izikhalo zakhe nokugxeka ukuze asize umshado futhi amsize. Nokho, ucwaningo luveza ukuthi ukugxekwa okuqhubekayo, akunikezayo ukumsiza, kuzwakala njengokudelela kowesilisa. Ubona sengathi usebenzisa lesi sihloko njengelinye ithuba lokumthumelela umyalezo wokuthi akathandi ukuthi ungumuntu onjani, nokuthi kufanele ashintshe futhi abe nothando kakhulu njengaye. Ubona sengathi umthola enganele futhi engamukelekile njengendoda. Nokho, njengowesifazane nomfazi, ucabanga ukuthi uzwakala enothando. Uyazi ukuthi uphokophele ukwenza into yothando ebudlelwaneni, kodwa kuyena uzwakala edelela.

Bobabili Baqinisile

Ubani oqinisile? Impendulo ithi yebo.

Kuya ngokuthi urekhoda ngopinki noma ngoluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka noma cha. Kwehlela emibonweni yabesilisa nabesifazane ngesimo esifanayo (Mathewu 19:4). Zimbalwa izingxabano phakathi kokuhle nokubi. Esikhundleni salokho, ukungqubuzana okuningi kuvela phakathi kwezinketho ezihlukene zokuthi yini elungile nokuthi yini engcono kakhulu, njengokuthi, "Ingabe kufanele sikhulume kakhulu ngezindaba zethu noma sikhulume kancane ngezindaba zethu?"

Ngokwesibonelo, amakhosikazi amaningi afisa ukukhuluma ngezinkinga zomshado nsuku zonke ukuze agcine ubuhlobo busesikhathini futhi avimbele inkinga enkulu yomshado, kanti indoda inomuzwa wokuthi uma ukhuluma nsuku zonke ngezinkinga zomshado unenkinga enkulu yomshado. ! Futhi abalungile ngokuzizwa njengabo; ahluke nje, njengoba pink isuka eluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka. Lona umehluko oqotho phakathi kwabantu ababili abathakazelayo. Nokho, ngenxa yokuthi isiko lokusondelana libomvana ngokwengeziwe, inkosikazi iyavikelwa kuyilapho indoda ibhekwa njengengalungile njengoba kungafanele izizwe ngendlela ezizwa ngayo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi bobabili bangafukamela igqubu ngomunye, futhi iphimbo lezingxoxo zabo lizwakala lingenaluthando futhi linendelelo, futhi lokhu kwenza izinto zibe zimbi nakakhulu.

Ingabe Uyahlonipha Noma Akanalo Uthando?

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, phakathi nengxabano yomshado amadoda amaningi anomuzwa wokuthi ingxabano ingadlondlobala ngaphezu kwalokho okufanele. Ngakho-ke, uzama ukudambisa ingxabano ngokuyikhipha futhi ayiyeke indaba. Kuye, akuyona into enkulu kangako. Ngokombono wakhe oluhlaza, ukuhoxa kuyindlela ehloniphekile yokuvikela ubuhlobo. Yilokhu akwenza nomngane wakhe omkhulu lapho bexabana. Amadoda angabulala ngakho kufanele agweme ukuthukuthela kakhulu. Ngakho-ke, bayahoxa ukuze bazole ngokomzimba. Kumele bayilahle bakhohlwe ngaphambi kokuthi inyuke ingalawuleki. Amadoda ayayazisa le ndlela. Kunengqondo kubo. Ubungani buqeda ukuxabana.

Lokhu kunengqondo ikakhulukazi lapho uqonda i-physiology yabesilisa. Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi phakathi nengxabano yomshado ukushaya kwenhliziyo yomyeni ngomzuzu kungakhuphukela kuma-BPM angamashumi ayisishiyagalolunye nesishiyagalolunye. Lena imodi yeqhawe. Yilokhu okwenzeka kuye ngokomzimba ngaphambi nje kokuziphonsa kubhomu lesandla ukuze asindise umngane wakhe ngesikhathi sempi. Kodwa ngenxa yokuthi uyazi ukuthi akaxabene nomkakhe, kufanele kube khona ukundiza ukuze ehlise umoya. Kumele ahlehle. Kumele ahoxe.

Ngendlela, umfazi angabukeka sengathi usemgwaqeni wempi kodwa ama-BPM akhe ajwayelekile! Uzizwa ekhululekile olwandle lomzwelo, ikakhulukazi ngoba uyawazi umgomo wakhe: ukuxolisana nokuxhumana.

Ngokuthakazelisayo, ucwaningo eYunivesithi yaseWashington lwafunda imibhangqwana eyizinkulungwane ezimbili iminyaka engamashumi amabili futhi lwabika ukuthi amaphesenti angu-85 awo wonke amadoda enza lokhu. Kukhona okuthile ngaphakathi kobuntu besilisa okwenza ukuphila ngale ndlela. Lokhu akukhona ukucabangela owesilisa kodwa kufakazela umehluko wobulili. Uma kuziwa endabeni yomshado, amadoda ayahoxa ukuze asize ubuhlobo, hhayi ukulimaza ubuhlobo. Kodwa amakhosikazi amaningi akuthola kungenakucatshangwa lokhu.

Kodwa-ke, ucwaningo luveza ukuthi uma umyeni ehoxa futhi eboshwe ngamatshe iningi lamakhosikazi lizwa ukuthi lokhu kuyisenzo sobutha. Wayengacabangi ukuhlehla ngenxa yokugxekwa okungaka. Uma enqaba ukukhuluma naye, uzizwa engathandwa kakhulu, ikakhulukazi ngoba uyakhathalela futhi ufuna ukuxhuma ngenxa yothando! Uzizwa enqatshwa uma emjaha futhi ethi akahlukane naye futhi ayeke ukuzama ukulwa, ayazi ukuthi akazami! Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kuyena, wephula umthetho wokuhlonipha ebusweni bakhe ezama ukwenza into ehloniphekile ngokuluyeka lolu daba. Ngakho, njengendoda nomyeni, ucabanga ukuthi uzwakala enenhlonipho ngoba uyazi ukuthi uphokophele ukwenza into ehloniphekile ebuhlotsheni. Nokho, emhlabeni wakhe njengowesifazane lokhu kuzwakala futhi kuzwakala kungenaluthando.

Bobabili Baqinisile

Ubani oqinisile? Nalapha, impendulo inguyebo. Kuya ngokuthi urekhoda ngopinki noma ngoluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka noma cha. Futhi akukho okungalungile; bahlukile nje. Kodwa-ke, ngenxa yokuthi isiko lokusondelana li-pink kakhulu ekuqondeni, inkosikazi ivikelwa kaningi. Imizwa yomyeni ibonakala incane kakhulu.

Akujabulisi yini ukuthi bobabili bazizwa benza into enothando noma ehloniphekile kodwa bahlangane ngomunye njengabangahloniphiyo nabangenalo uthando!?

Lokhu kuchaza ukuthi kungani singayizwa ithoni yethu. Kuye, uzwakala enenhlonipho engabonisi uthando. Kuye, uzwakala enothando hhayi edelela. Ngamunye uyazi ukuthi balungile ngaphakathi kwabo futhi umlingani wabo akalungile. Lokhu kuphazamisa ubungane babo. Umshado uzizwa ungathandeki. Bobabili bazizwa benganeliseki kangako ngobudlelwano.

Abashadile Abaphumelelayo

Saphetha i-imeyili yokugcina ngale mibuzo: “Ubhekana kanjani nalokho kungaboni ngaso linye kuyilapho wazi ukuthi uqinisile futhi owakwakho unephutha? Yini oyenzayo lapho kuye kwaba, noma kungase kube, isibonelo sokungavumelani okunamandla okukushiya ukhungathekile, uphatheke kabi futhi uthukuthele?” Impendulo yami iwukuthi imibhangqwana ephumelelayo ayinakho ukungqubuzana okuncane kuneminye imibhangqwana kodwa iyakwazi ukubhekana nokungqubuzana kwayo, futhi esinye sezifundo zokuqala ezitholwa imibhangqwana ephumelelayo ukuthi akukho okungalungile, okuhlukile nje—okuhlukile njengoba okubomvana kuwuluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka. Kokubili kungaba yiqiniso ngokusekelwe ekuboneni kwabo owesilisa nowesifazane (Mathewu 19:4).

Umbuzo Wanamuhla: Ngizokuyeka yini ukuthi umyeni wami akanalo uthando lapho ezama ukwenza into ehloniphekile? Ngizokugwema yini ukuthi umkami uyadelela lapho ezama ukwenza uthando?

Isenzo Sanamuhla: Lapho umkami obomvana ebonakala edelela, ngizomethemba ukuthi uzama ukwenza into enothando ezikhathini eziningi. Lapho umyeni wami oluhlaza ebonakala engenaluthando, ngiyomethemba ukuthi ngokuvamile uzama ukwenza into ehloniphekile. Ngizoqala ukukholelwa ukuthi ezikhathini eziningi engishade naye akaliphutha ngokuhluka nje, njengoba kuhluke njengoba pink isuka eluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka.

4. YAZI UKUTHI INDLELA OYISEBENZISAYO UKUKHUTHAZA OWATSHANA NAKHO INGASE IBE NEMPHUMELA OKUHLUKILE OHLOSE KUYO, NAKUBA UNOBUHLE.

Ingabe Unegetive Ngesikhathi Sokungqubuzana Ukuze Ugqugquzele Oshade Naye Ukuba Abe Nombono Oqondile?

Ngithole okuthile. Ngithole ukuthi ngaphakathi kwemvelo yethu njengabayeni namakhosikazi sinokusabela okuzenzakalelayo okusekelwe ebudodeni nasebufazaneni bethu.

Imodi Ezenzakalelayo Yomyeni

Lapho indoda izizwa ingahlonishwa, indlela yayo ezenzakalelayo iwukuba “ngokwemvelo” isabele ngezindlela ezizizwa zingenaluthando kumkayo. Ingabe lokhu kungani uNkulunkulu eyala indoda ukuba ithande, ukuze imelane nalokhu kuvinjelwa (Efesu 5:33; Kolose 3:19)? Nakuba engasiqapheli ngaso sonke isikhathi lesi simo, uyazi! Ngokwesibonelo, amadoda angamaphesenti angu-85 ayahoxa futhi avinjwe ngamatshe phakathi nezingxabano zomshado. Kumfazi ozizwa njengesenzo sobutha kuyilapho kuye kuzwakala njengento efanele nehloniphekile ukuyenza ukuvimbela izinto ukuba zingalawuleki. Uma ebuka, akaboni ukusabela kwakhe njengokungabonisi uthando kodwa kuyindlela yokusabela ngokungamhloniphi. Lokhu kuchaza ukuthi kungani engaxolisi nakuba umkakhe emi phambi kwakhe ngokugcwele elindele ukuthi axolise.

Ingabe Umyeni Wake Wakubona Ukuntula Kwakhe Uthando?

Yebo, izikhathi eziningi uyakubona kodwa usebenzisa ukusabela kwakhe okungekuhle ukumkhuthaza ukuba ashintshe, abe nombono omuhle kakhulu! Ngakho, thola lokhu. Ugodla uthando lokumfundisa ukuhlonipha. Uyahoxa bese ethumela umyalezo othi, “Yeka ukungidelela.” Akazami ukuba nomoya omubi noma ukungabi naluthando kodwa usabela ngokuzivikela kulokho anomuzwa wokuthi ukuziphatha okucasulayo ngasohlangothini lwakhe. Enhliziyweni yakhe, uzizwa ephelelwa amandla futhi ephelelwa amandla lapho emchitha. Uyazi kwelinye izinga lokhu akuyona inhloso yakhe, kodwa kuzwakala kanjena njengoba akekho okhuluma naye ngendlela akhuluma ngayo. Uyazibuza, “Ingabe usebenzisa lesi sihloko nje njengethuba lokungithumelela umlayezo wokuthi akangithandi ukuthi ngingubani njengomuntu?” Ngeshwa, lapho indoda iveza imizwa yayo ngokudinga inhlonipho, inkosikazi ifaneleka ukuthi, “Hhayi-ke, awukufanelekeli ukuhlonishwa yimi, futhi ngaphandle kwalokhu kuwukunganakwa.”

Kusukela lapho ulokhu ethule. Lapho isiko libhala le mizwa yesilisa njenge-narcissistic (okungaba, ngendlela efanayo owesifazane angase abe i-prima donna yokufuna uthando nokunakwa) futhi inkosikazi isebenzisa le phrofayela, ivala amadoda. Ngenxa yokuthi abantu abanalo izwi nesilulumagama sokuvikela ngokuzithoba isidingo sabo esijulile, okuwukuphela kwento abangayenza intukuthelo ethule. Manje ugodla uthando ngethemba lokuthi uzophaphama esidingweni sakhe senhlonipho nezimo zakhe zengqondo zokungahloniphi; vele lokhu akusebenzi.

Ukusabela Komyeni Ngokungenaluthando Akuyikhuthazi Inhlonipho Yomfazi!

Encwadini yami ethi Love & Respect, ngichaza indlela yokupela uthando kunkosikazi. Ngakha isifinyezo esithi, ABAMBANDANE Unkosikazi udinga ukusondelana, ukuvuleka, ukuqonda, ukudala ukuthula, ukwethembeka, nokuhlonishwa. Lapho ethola lezi, uzizwa ethandwa.

Njengoba ngangixoxa nge-COUPLE nomyeni oyedwa ehhovisi lami, wabeka ikhanda lakhe phansi etafuleni lami ngosizi olukhulu. Wathi kimi, “Ngenza okuphambene nakho konke kwalokhu ukuze ngifundise umkami ukungihlonipha. Nganquma ukungamthandi ngalezo zindlela ozishilo waze waqala ukungihlonipha kakhulu. Ngemva kokuphathwa kabi izinyanga eziningi, wangishiya.” Ngamtshela, “Awunakumvimba umkakho ngesidingo sakhe sothando njengendlela yokumshukumisela ukuba ahlangabezane nesidingo sakho senhlonipho.”

Imodi Ezenzakalelayo Yomfazi

Lapho umfazi ezizwa engathandwa, indlela yakhe ezenzakalelayo iwukuba “ngokwemvelo” asabele ngezindlela ezizizwa edelela umyeni wakhe. Ingabe yilokhu uNkulunkulu ayala umfazi ukuba agqoke inhlonipho, ukuze amelane nalokhu kuthambekela ( Efesu 5:33; 1 Petru 3:1–2 )? Nakuba engaqapheli ngaso sonke isikhathi lesi simo sengqondo, yena! Ngokwesibonelo, amakhosikazi amaningi ayakhononda futhi agxeke phakathi nezingxabano zomshado. Endodeni ukugxekwa okuqhubekayo kuzwakala njengokungahloniphi lokho ayiko njengomuntu, kanti kuye kuzwakala njengento elungile nenothando okumelwe yenziwe ukuze ukubuyisana futhi ulethe ubuhlobo buhambisana nesikhathi. Uma ebuka, akahlosile ukudelela umuntu ngamunye kodwa uzwa ubuhlungu ngokwehluleka komyeni wakhe ukuba nothando nokuzwela. Ubona ukuntula kwakhe uthando, hhayi ukungamhloniphi.

Ingabe Umfazi Wake Wambona Engamhloniphi?

Yebo, inkosikazi iyakubona ukudelela kwayo kodwa kamuva ithi, “Kufanele azi ukuthi bengingaqondile ngempela. Bengizama ukumenza aqonde indlela angizwise ubuhlungu ngayo ukuze axolise bese siphinde sixhumane.” Uphenduka abe negethivu ukuze amkhuthaze ukuthi abe positive! Akahloniphi ukuthola uthando. Uyakhononda futhi agxeke ngezindlela okuthi nakuba eqhutshwa umoya wokudelela, enethemba lokuthi “ukubukeka” kwakhe kokunengeka kuyomvusela ekuhlulekeni kwakhe ukumthanda ngendlela ebekufanele. Ubona kufanele kucace kumyeni wakhe kuze kube yilapho indodana yakhe ishada nowesifazane ongayihloniphi ngendlela efanayo bese lomama ebona ukuthi lokhu akubonakali endodaneni yakhe, nakumyeni wakhe. Noma kunjalo, ngosizo lwakhe akazami ukuba nomoya omubi kodwa usabela ngokuzivikela kulokho anomuzwa wokuthi kumcasula. Uzizwa engavikelekile futhi udinga ukuqinisekiswa ukuthi uyamthanda, futhi ukuxolisa okuvela kuye kungawenza izimangaliso zomphefumulo wakhe. Kuye lokhu akuyona isayensi yerokhethi ngakho ukwenqaba kwakhe ukuthi, “Ngiyaxolisa” kuqinisa kuyena ukuthi akanandaba naye njengoba naye emkhathalela. Uyashesha ukusho ukuthi “ngiyaxolisa” kodwa akavamile ukuthi, “Ngiyaxolisa” futhi uma enza kanjalo usuke efuna ukumsusa emhlane wakhe, hhayi ngoba ehlose ukushintsha. Mangingeza, ukuhlonipha yena ukubheka njengo “muhle” nokuthi “muhle” akusebenzi, ngakho-ke isikhali sakhe azikhethele sona siwukudelela, angafuni ukusikhetha kodwa unomuzwa wokuthi akukho okunye angakwenza. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ukungahloniphi kwakhe kuthola ukunaka kwakhe, naphezu kweqiniso lokuthi akuzuzisi isikhathi eside lokho ayethembayo.

Ukusabela Kokungahloniphi Komfazi Akukushukumisi Uthando Lomyeni!

Inkosikazi ethile ithi, “Ngangiqhubeka ngikhuluma kabi. Ngazama futhi ngazama ukumenza akhulume nami ngalokho ayekuzwa. . . . Kodwa ngokuvamile wayebona izingxoxo zethu ‘njengezingxabano’ futhi wayekhathala ukusebenza kanzima ukuze ‘sizwane’ emshadweni wethu. Phezu kwakho konke . . . lapho ngizwa imizwa encane, izwi lami likhuphuka ngama-decibel ayishumi. . . . Futhi, akakwazi neze ukukumela lapho izwi lami lizwakala kakhulu. Ngakho, njalo lapho sinengxoxo, wayehlehla kimi okwakungenza ngisebenze kanzima nakakhulu ukuxhumana futhi ngimbuyisele engxoxweni. Umjikelezo ongenamsebenzi, ngokuqinisekile. . . . Ngingaba kanjani impumputhe kangaka, okungcono kakhulu, bengingaba kanjani yisithulu kulokhu obekwenzeka? Ngabona ukuthi bengingamhloniphi umyeni wami. Uma ngicabanga ngezenzo namazwi ami, ‘ngangizizwa’ izimpawu zokungahloniphi engangizithumela kumyeni wami. Ngangibambeke kakhulu ekufuneni kwami ​​uthando olungenamibandela nokuqinisekiswa, futhi ngangingaboni engangikwenza.”

Lokhu Kuphakamisa Umbuzo

Kuphumelela kangakanani ukungabi naluthando nokungahloniphi njengendlela yokukhuthaza owakwakho ukuba akubonise inhlonipho nothando? Isikhathi eside akusizi ukuba negethivu ukukhuthaza owakwakho ukuthi abe nombono omuhle. Le MO noma indlela yokusebenza ayilungile. Umlingani wakho uzozizwa ephelelwa amandla futhi ehluliwe, uma engaxhashazwa.

Nakuba umgomo wakho kuwukuba ubenze bakuthande futhi bakuhloniphe, uncisha owakwakho uthando nenhlonipho abayidingayo ukuze bashukumiseleke ukuba bahlangabezane nesidingo sakho. Le modus operandi iyashoda ngoba ayiyithinti inhliziyo yoshade naye njengoba nje nenhliziyo yakho iphenduka inethemba ngemuva kokusabela okungekuhle kowakwakho kuwena. Okulungele ihansi kuhle ku-gander.

Nakuba ulindele oshade naye ukuba anqume inhloso yakho—ukuthi unesizathu esihle—umuntu ongavamile othambisayo futhi abe mnandi lapho ephathwa ngendlela ebonakala enokhahlo nedelela. Nakuba ungakaze uhlose ukuba nomoya omubi, umngane wakho womshado nakanjani uzokuthola kunzima ukwethemba umusa wakho.

Kuthiwani Uma Oshade Naye Engakufanelekeli Uthando Nenhlonipho?

Kuthiwani uma oshade naye efanelwe ukusabela okungekuhle ngenxa yezenzo zakhe ezimbi? Oshade naye ufanelwe ukuzwa iqiniso ngezenzo zabo ezimbi ezikhulunywa ngothando nangenhlonipho ngomoya wakhe. Kufanele uhlukanise izenzo zabo zenyama nomuntu wabo wangaphakathi. Ngamanye amazwi, babhekane nobubi babo ngaphandle kokubonakala benobutha futhi bedelela ezinhliziyweni zabo. Zonda isono. Thanda isoni.

Iqiniso linesisindo salo. Kungani ulungile kodwa ungalungile phezulu kwezwi lakho? Isihluthulelo siwukuba ubonise ukucabangela okuhle okungenamibandela emoyeni wabo kuyilapho ukhuluma nokuziphatha kwabo okulimazayo nokucasulayo. Sizokhuluma kwenye i-imeyili ukubaluleka kokubonisa inhlonipho engenamibandela ngomoya womngane wakho womshado kuyilapho ubhekana nokuziphatha okulimaza umshado. Lokhu akulula kodwa kuyadingeka. Lokhu kubalulekile njengoba indlela yokuzenzakalela phakathi nengxabano yomshado iwukubonisa ukunaka umoya womunye umuntu. Lapho silinyazwa, kungokwemvelo yethu ukungabi naluthando nokungahloniphi endleleni esisabela ngayo, singabi nothando nenhlonipho njengombono wethu wokuqala.

Ukuzuza Inhliziyo Yomunye

Khumbula, lapho ubonisa umoya wenzondo nomoya omubi emoyeni woshade naye, ngeke uyizuze inhliziyo yakhe nakuba okushoyo kuyiqiniso. Ngeke ubathonye ukuthi babhekane nabo. Bayovala umoya wabo kuwe ngenxa yokwesaba, ukuzidla, ukucasuka, namahloni. Ngeke babe nemizwa ejabulisayo yothando nokuncoma ngawe. Ukusabela kwakho kabi kuwubuwula futhi kuyizindlela ezingenakwenzeka zokugqugquzela owakwakho ukuthi asabele kahle kuwe. Nakuba unomuzwa wokuthi abanabungane futhi bayahlambalaza, njengoba bephule wena nomshado kwasekuqaleni, ngeke usize ukuqhubekisela phambili umshado ngokubhula umlilo—okungenani isikhathi eside. Uyazi enhliziyweni yakho ukuthi awukwazi ukuqhubekisela phambili ubuhlobo ngokusebenzisa ukuziphatha okubi nokubhuqa. Awukwazi ukugqugquzela owakwakho ukuthi abe muhle ngokuthi wena ube mubi, noma ngabe ubemubi kangakanani. Ibhodwe lizobe libiza igedlela ngokuba mnyama.

Kwenze Ngokuhlukile!

Ingabe yisikhathi sokwenza okuthile okuhlukile? Uma imodi yakho ezenzakalelayo kuwukusabela ngezindlela ezingezinhle, ezingenaluthando, nezingenanhlonipho, ingabe yisikhathi sokwenza okusebenzayo?

Lalela ubufakazi balomyeni. “Besiphakathi kwenye yezimpi zethu. . . . Ngokudinwa, ngaphenduka ngangena ekamelweni lami lekhompyutha. Ngimshiye ekhala ekhishini. Ngahlala phansi kuyi-computer kodwa lapho ngenza kanjalo, umoya wami wathi, 'Uma wenza lokho obuhlale ukwenza, uyohlale uthola lokho obuhlale ukutholile.' Lokho isikhathi esikhulu ukukusho encwadini ethi Alcoholics Anonymous. Ngasukuma ngabuyela ekhishini. Ngama phambi komkami ngigoqe izandla. Ngabona ukuthi ukuma kwakungalungile. Ngembula izingalo ngazibeka phansi eduze kwami ​​okwakunzima ukukwenza. Ngabe sengithi ngomoya ophansi, 'Qhubeka, ngilalele.' Waqala futhi ukukhuluma. Ngokushesha wathi, 'Awukhululekile neze?' Ngathi, 'Cha kodwa uma singazami okuhlukile akukho okuyoke kushintshe!' Waqala wakhala futhi impi isiphelile."

Umbuzo Wanamuhla: Ingabe ukuthola emvelweni yakho ukusabela ngezindlela ezingenaluthando nezingahloniphi ukuze ukhuthaze owakwakho ukuba akubonise inhlonipho nothando okwengeziwe? Kusebenza kanjani lokho kuwe?

Isenzo Sanamuhla: Ngizoqapha imodi yami ezenzakalelayo! Njengomfazi ngizobukela ukuthambekela kwami ​​​​kokungahloniphi. Njengomyeni ngizozibophezela ngokumelene nesimo sami sokusabela ngezindlela ezingenaluthando. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngeke ngibe ne-negative ukuze ngikhuthaze engishade naye ukuthi abe nombono omuhle. Njengomfazi, ngeke ngibe ngokungahloniphi ukugqugquzela umyeni wami ukuba angithande. Njengomyeni, ngeke ngibe ongenalo uthando ukuze ngishukumisele umkami ukuba angihloniphe. Ngizoba nokuhlonipha okuhle emoyeni womlingani wami ngenkathi ngikhuluma ngokuziphatha okungekuhle emshadweni.

5. PHUMELA LOKHU ENGIKUBIZA NGOMJIKELELE ENIQHUBEKA NAWO UBHOVA NGOBA AWUSHAYI UBHEKE NGEMPELA UKUQAPHELA UKUTHI KUNGANI WENA NOMANDLA WAKHO NISANDULELA KANYE.

Lapho Usabela Ngezindlela Ezingenalo Uthando Nezokwedelela, Kwenzekani?

Ngiyibiza ngokuthi iCrazy Cycle: ngaphandle kothando usabela ngaphandle kwenhlonipho futhi ngaphandle kwenhlonipho usabela ngaphandle kothando. Ukusabela okungekuhle komunye nomunye kubangela ukusabela okungekuhle komunye. I-Crazy Cycle iyajikeleza.

Njengoba sesishilo, abesilisa nabesifazane bobabili badinga uthando nenhlonipho ngokulinganayo kodwa isidingo esizwakalayo ngesikhathi sokungqubuzana siyehluka. Njengoba ngishilo ku-imeyili yangaphambili, ngabuza abantu abayizinkulungwane eziyisikhombisa lo mbuzo: “Uma uxabene noshade naye, uzizwa ungathandwa noma ungahlonishwa?” Amaphesenti angu-83 amadoda athi azizwa engahlonishwa. Amaphesenti angu-72 amakhosikazi athi azizwa engathandwa. Ukusuka lapho, ngayinye isabela kabi komunye njengoba i-Crazy Cycle isho.

Ingxenye Yomyeni Kumjikelezo Wokuhlanya

Lapho indoda izizwa ingahlonishwa, ivame ukusabela ngendlela engabonisi uthando kumkayo. Ngokwesibonelo, amaphesenti angu-85 abayeni akhetha ngesikhathi esithile ezingxabanweni zomshado ukuba ahoxe futhi abe ne-stonewall, ngenxa yokuthi ngokomzimba ukushaya kwenhliziyo yabo kungakhuphuka ngokushesha kube ukushaya okungamashumi ayisishiyagalolunye nesishiyagalolunye ngomzuzu. Avale ukuze ehlise umoya. Uyayeka ukukhuluma ukuze avimbele ukungqubuzana—eqophelweni lakhe—ukuba kudlondlobale. Uzizwa eshubile ekhuluma nje kwenza izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu uma emile uzwane nozwane ngoba uzizwa evusa inkanuko hhayi ukubuyisana, yingakho ecela ukuthi amshiye yedwa esikhundleni sokuthi amlandele egunjini negumbi bezokhuluma. Ngaphandle kwalokho, lapho ikhuluma ukuze itshele umkayo ukuthi izizwa ingahlonishwa noma ukuthi akufanele azizwe engathandwa njengaye, zombili lezi zinkulumo zidlula njenge-zeppelin yomthofu. Impela, uyakwenqaba ukuphawula kwakhe futhi manje usecasuke kakhulu. Kulokhu, uyacasuka adonse, noma akhulume into ezwakala enokhahlo nengenaluthando aphendule ngayo amazwi endelelo angase aphuze itilosi elidakiwe. Uma lo myeni ehamba futhi enqaba ukubuyisana nokuphinde axhumane, lokhu kushiya umkakhe edidekile, ebuhlungu, engalondekile futhi enovalo. I-Crazy Cycle ilokhu yenzeka.

Umyeni uyabhala, “Kusukela ekuqaleni kwenzeka izingxabano ezishisayo, ngokuyisisekelo njengokuhlukahluka okuningi Komjikelezo Wokuhlanya owuchazayo. Ekuqaleni wathola ukuthi ukuyeka kwami ​​izingxabano kwakuwuphawu lobuthakathaka, ngakho ngafunda ukuhlala nokubhekana. Bengazi kudala ukuthi kukhona akukhalisayo kimina, kodwa ngiyehluleka ukuhlahlela phezu kokuthi ngiyazi ukuthi kuhlobene nothando nokungafezi kwami ​​izidingo zakhe kulokho akubiza ngokuthi wumgogodla wakhe. Amazwi nezenzo zami zihlale zisilela kulokho akufunayo ikakhulukazi okubonakala ngokukhula kwakhe ukucasuka kanye nokungidelela okusobala. Lapho ngihlala, ngaziveza ekugxekeni kwakhe, engakubona njengokuhlasela komuntu siqu, ngakho ngavikela, ngachezuka, futhi ekugcineni ngazihlasela. Lapho ngikhuluma 'amaqiniso' ngombono wami, ngiye ngimlimaze ngokuphakamisa izwi lami futhi ngikhulume izinto eziyinhlekelele kuye kodwa kimina azinzima kangako. Usekuhlomele kangcono kakhulu ukulimaza ngamazwi, futhi ushilo izinto ebezingabangela izingxabano zokufa ukube zishiwo yindoda. I-Crazy Cycle iye yanda kakhulu, kangangokuthi ngesikhathi ikhulisa ngamandla ukuthi ngiyinyoni, ngeqa imingcele ayishilo ngokusongela ukuhamba, ukuxabana phambi kwezingane, ukumklabalasa, nezinye iziphambeko engingakwazi. cabanga ngakho manje. Ngingaqhubeka, kodwa lena ingqikithi evamile.”

Ingxenye Yomfazi Emjikelezweni Ohlanyayo

Ngeshwa, lapho inkosikazi izizwa ingathandwa, isabela ngendlela ebonisa indelelo kumyeni wayo. Akazami ukudelela njengesiphetho ngokwako. Nokho, ubonakala enjalo ngezimpawu zokudelela. Amehlo abe mnyama, ubuso buphenduke baba muncu, abeke isandla enqulwini, akhombe ngomunwe othethisayo, aphefumulele phezulu, ahlahle amehlo, asebenzise amazwi endelelo ukudlulisa ukucasuka kwakhe. Akekho umuntu emhlabeni wakhe okhuluma naye ngale ndlela ngakho kunzima ukuthi azizwe edelelwa. Masonto onke, uyagxeka futhi uyakhononda. Yiqiniso, lokhu ukwenza ukuze ayisize iqonde imizwa yayo futhi imzwele bese iveza ukudabuka kwayo. Kunalokho, uyavala. Ukungabi nandaba kwakhe akuceli uzwelo lwakhe kodwa kubangela i-Crazy Cycle.

Okumxakayo wukuthi uvele afise ukuzihlanganisa nendoda ayithandayo. Ugqozi lwakhe luhle. Yiqiniso, indlela yakhe yokuthumela imiyalezo imbi kakhulu kumyeni. Ukubheka njengokubeleselayo futhi ngempela njengendlela yakhe yokumazisa ukuthi umthola engamukelekile futhi engafaneleki njengomuntu. Akuzwayo ukuthi akasenelisi neze. Uzwa nokuthi akasoze ajabula. Akekho umfazi ojabulayo, akukho mpilo ejabulisayo. Ngendlela, kuye kwathiwa owesifazane ufuna ubuhlobo obuhle kakhulu. “Ngothando, ngimangaze, futhi ungenze ngihleke!” Kodwa umyeni wakhe ufuna nje ubuhlobo bungabi bubi. “Asikwazi yini ukuba nosuku olulodwa lapho konke kuhamba kahle, lapho ukahle, nalapho ngikahle?”

Umfazi othile uyabhala, “Kubuhlungu kimi . . . Ngangingomunye walabo abamemezayo NGICELA uthando. Ama-crazies aqhubeka iminyaka engamashumi amabili nanhlanu. . . . Ngamenza kabi, ngamnika CHA inhlonipho. . . . Isikhathi sokuhlanya sasisemini nasebusuku. Umjikelezo awuzange ume, uqhubekile nokuhamba ngebhayisikili.”

Incazelo Yobuhlanya

Uma kunguwe lona, ​​ushintsho selulungile. Njengoba nazi, umuntu ohlanyayo ulokhu enza into eyodwa ngokuphindaphindiwe futhi alindele imiphumela ehlukile, emihle kodwa nakanjani ahlangabezane nemiphumela efanayo, engemihle. I-Crazy Cycle emshadweni inanela lokhu. Ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho indoda ikhetha ukuba nenzondo ukuze ishukumisele umkayo ukuba ayibonise inhlonipho, ithola ukudelelwa.

Ngeshwa, abanye abafana ngokusangana bacabanga, “Mhlawumbe ngokuzayo lapho ezongibonisa inhlonipho.” Noma, isikhathi ngasinye lapho umfazi ekhetha ukwedelela ukuze ashukumisele umyeni wakhe ukuba ambonise uthando, akalutholi uthando. Nokho, njengoba kuzwakala njengokuhlanya amanye ama-gals acabanga, “Mhlawumbe ngokuzayo uzongibonisa uthando.”

Uyaludinga Uthando Futhi Udinga Inhlonipho Nokho . . .

Ngizwe! Nakuba amakhosikazi edinga inhlonipho namadoda edinga uthando, siye sathola ukuthi amadoda amaningi aqinisekiswa ngothando lwamakhosikazi awo kangangokuthi lapho kungqubuzana la madoda ahumusha umfazi njengokungahloniphi, hhayi njengomuntu ongenalo uthando. (Ngicela ufunde i-imeyili yokuqala futhi uma lokhu kuhlala kuyisikhubekiso kuwe.) Iningi lamadoda lithi, “Awungihloniphi,” hhayi ukuthi “Awungithandi.” Futhi, nakuba amakhosikazi edinga INHLONIPHO, lapho umyeni engamhloniphi isonto nesonto uyothi, “Ungasho kanjani ukuthi uyangithanda futhi ungidelela?” Uma owesifazane esothandweni uyazibuza, "Ingabe ungithanda njengoba ngimthanda?"

Yenza Ingxenye Yakho Ukuze Unciphise Ubuhlanya Futhi Ivamise Ukusebenza!

Umyeni othile uyabhala, “Umjikelezo ‘wokuhlonipha uthando’ . . . kuyiqiniso kakhulu. Ngineminyaka engu-32 ngishadile futhi lapho mina nomkami 'siba nokungavumelani' okuphenduka amazwi ambalwa ambalwa bese sithula, ngokuvamile akubangelwa inkinga yokuqala noma isenzo. Lokho kwakungeyona yonke into enkulu kangako kimi. Kungaphezu kokusabela kwakhe ngokucasuka kwami. Futhi yindlela asabela ngayo okwenza ngithukuthele futhi ngithule. Crazy Cycle, lapha siyeza! Manje njengoba sengiyazi ukuthi yini ebangela lokhu kusabela okungakhiqizi, ngisho noma engaphenduli ngenhlonipho, ngiyabona ukuthi yini engibekela yona futhi ngingakwazi ukunqamula umjikelezo ngaphambi kokuba uqale.”

Inkosikazi ethile ithi kimi, “Mina nomyeni wami sesineminyaka engu-15 sishadile futhi sinezingane ezine. Sinomshado ophumelelayo, kodwa uye waba nezimo zawo eziqinile phakathi neminyaka. . . ngenxa yalolo thando/inhlonipho, noma ukuntula, umjikelezo okhuluma ngawo. . . . (Ngohlangothi lwami), bengilokhu ngidlulisela ukungamhloniphi umyeni wami ingxenye enkulu yomshado wethu futhi sekuyiminyaka eminingi ngizizwa ngingathandwa. Ngiyazi ukuthi sobabili sinezinhliziyo ezinhle njengoba usho, kodwa iphethini isishiye sikhungathekile sobabili. . . . Ngiyazi ukuthi angizange ngiqaphele ukuthi indima enganginayo ngenxa yokungahlonishwa kwami, engangizizwa ngempela ngenxa yezizathu ezihlukahlukene, kodwa eziningi zazo zazibangelwa ukuzizwa ngingathandwa.” Ngemva kwezinyanga eziyishumi nesishiyagalombili ngambuza ukuthi unjani. “Ngokuqaphela kabanzi ngendaba yothando/inhlonipho, umthandazo, nokukhula ngokomoya . . . mina nomyeni wami senza izinto ezimangalisayo . . . Ngiyisusile ngempela ingqikithi eyinhloko futhi ngisebenza kanzima ukulungisa noma yimuphi umonakalo owenziwe eminyakeni edlule.” Uphawule ukuthi usezinzile ekuqondeni okujulile ngaye, nezidingo zakhe, futhi uyasibona isithelo salokho.

Umngane Wami Akanalo Ilungelo Lokuzizwa Engathandwa Futhi Engahlonishwa!

Ake ngifake iphuzu elibalulekile. Uma ungena ku-Crazy Cycle, oshade naye angase angabi nasizathu esizwakalayo sokukuchaza njengongenaluthando nokungahloniphi. Angiphikisi ukuthi umlingani wakho ufanelekile ngokuzizwa engathandwa futhi engahlonishwa. Ngigqamisa isimo sabo sengqondo ngemuva kokusabela kwabo. Okubalulekile ukuthi umelane nemizwa yabo eyiphutha ngokwenza umzamo owengeziwe wokuzwakala unothando nenhlonipho. Lokhu kukusiza kakhulu ukuthi udambise ukushuba futhi ubabonise incazelo yabo eyiphutha yenhliziyo yakho. Nakuba ukusabela okunobutha nokudelela okuvela kuwe kuqinisekisa kuphela izinsolo zabo ezingenasisekelo, futhi kukugcina ujikeleza ku-Crazy Cycle. Okubalulekile, ungahlanekezeli inhliziyo yakho ejulile noma umlingani wakho uzokuhumusha kabi.

Umbuzo Wanamuhla: Nakuba sonke sidinga uthando nenhlonipho ngokulinganayo, ingabe eyabase-Efesu 5:33 iyasiveza isidingo esizwakalayo phakathi nengxabano emshadweni wenu? Ngabe uyazulazula ku-Crazy Cycle ngoba njengomfazi uma uzizwa ungathandwa ubonakala ungahloniphi ngokusabela futhi njengomyeni uma uzizwa ungahlonishwa ubonakala ungenalo uthando? Ingabe yisikhathi sokudambisa ukusabela kwakho okungalungile ngaphandle kokwesaba ukuthi uzolahlekelwa amandla noma ubuwena noma ukuthi umngane wakho womshado ngeke asabele?

Isenzo Sanamuhla: Uma engishade naye ezwakala engenaluthando noma engahloniphi, ngeke ngisabele ngendlela efanayo. Ngizomisa umjikelezo Wokuhlanya!

Nakuba ngizizwa ngingathandwa njengomfazi, ngizokugwema ukudelela. Lokhu kuzosibeka ku-Crazy Cycle kuphela. Ngingakwazi ukudlulisa ukucasuka kwami ​​​​ngenhlonipho namazwi afanele. Ukwenza lokhu ngeke kungenze ngilahlekelwe amandla, ngizizwe ngingelutho, noma ngiyekethise eqinisweni. Ngingabuza ngenhlonipho, “Ngingakutshela kanjani ngesidingo sami sothando namandla ngaphandle kokuba ube nomuzwa wokuthi ngithumela umyalezo wokungahloniphi?” Lokhu kungaphezu kokuthambisa inhliziyo yakhe futhi kumenze ezwe eyakho.

Nakuba ngizizwa ngingahlonishwa njengomyeni, ngizoqapha ukungabi naluthando lapho ngikhuluma ngokukhungatheka kwami. Akumele ngiyekethise ukuba yindoda ehloniphekile ekhuluma iqiniso othandweni ngoba nje iyangicasula futhi ibonakala ingenanhlonipho. Lokhu kuzosibeka ku-Crazy Cycle kuphela. Ngingabuza ngothando, “Ngingakutshela kanjani ngesidingo sami senhlonipho ngaphandle kokwenza kwami ​​ngaphandle kokuba uzizwe sengathi angilungile, ngiyazidla, angifundiseki, futhi anginalo uthando?” Angeke akwazi ukusizakala ngawe noma agqoke ibhulukwe kodwa empeleni athambe, futhi mhlawumbe athi, “Ngiyaxolisa. Ngicela ungitshele ukuthi uzizwa kanjani futhi udingani.”

6. THAMBISA UMOYA WOMSHADO WAKHO NGOKUBHALA IMISHO EMINCANE ENGIZOKUSIZA UKUYIBHALA.

Kwenzekani Lapho Uthi, “Ngiyaxolisa”?

Kukhona into enamandla eyenzekayo uma uthi, "Ngiyaxolisa." Ngenxa yalokhu, uma ngingaba nesibindi, ngifuna uxolise. Ungakwenza lokho ubuso nobuso noma ngenothi.

Izizathu Ezinhlanu Ezingenzeka Zokuxolisa

• Uma uzwakale ungenaluthando noma ungahloniphi, ngicela uxolise. Ngokusekelwe ku-imeyili #1 mayelana nephimbo lakho lengxoxo, ithi: “Ngiyaxolisa ngephimbo lami elingenaluthando nelokungahloniphi. Awukufanele lokhu. Leyo toni ayilokothi ibe wusizo noma isebenze. Uzongixolela?”
• Uma udebeselele ukugcwalisa imizwa yabo ngothando noma inhlonipho, sicela uxolise. Ngokusekelwe ku-imeyili #2 mayelana nokufaka imali yothando nenhlonipho enhliziyweni yomngane wakho womshado, ithi: “Ngiyaxolisa ngokunyathela ipayipi lakho lomoya. Kunokuba ngihlangabezane nesidingo senu sothando nenhlonipho, ngasabela ngendlela ebonisa ukungabi naluthando nendelelo. Uzongixolela?”
• Uma uye wahlulela ngokungalungile umbono ophinki noma oluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka womlingani wakho womshado, sicela uxolise. Ngokusekelwe ku-imeyili #3 mayelana nendlela yakho yowesilisa noma owesifazane, ithi: “Ngizizwa kabi ngithi ubunephutha. Akekho kithi owayenephutha; sihluke nje ngemibono yethu. Lona bekuwumehluko oqotho wemibono phakathi kopinki noluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka. Uzongixolela?”
• Uma ubunegethivu ukuze ugqugquzele owakwakho ukuthi abe ne-positive, ngicela uxolise. Ngokusekelwe ku-imeyili #4 mayelana nemodi yakho ezenzakalelayo yokungabi nandaba, yithi, “Bengingalungile ngokuba nombono omubi kuwe sengathi lokhu bekuzokugqugquzela ukuthi ube nombono oqondile kimi. Ngixolisa kakhulu. Uzongixolela?”
• Uma ube nesandla ku-Crazy Cycle, sicela uxolise. Ngokusekelwe ku-imeyili #5 mayelana nesenzo sakho esingenaluthando noma sokungahloniphi, ithi: “Bengizivikela kakhulu futhi ngiphendula. Uzongixolela ngokusabela ngale ndlela engenaluthando nengenanhlonipho, eyaqala ukusabela kwakho okungekuhle, kwase kuthi kusuka lapho izinto zahlanya? Ngenze iphutha."

Kuthiwani Uma Oshade Naye Enecala Kakhulu Emshadweni Kunawe?

Iqiniso lokuthi wenza Uhlelo Lwezinsuku Eziyi-15 lisikisela ukuthi unomoya omuhle futhi uzibophezele ekusizeni umshado wakho. Futhi uma kunguwena nobabili odlula kulolu hlelo, kuphakamisa ukuthi aninacala. Ngiyanibingelela futhi ngiyaniqinisa. Nokho, ungakwazi kuphela ukulawula izenzo zakho nendlela osabela ngayo koshade naye. Awukwazi ukulawula imiphumela yokugcina kumlingani wakho. Oshade naye kufanele azikhethele ngokwakhe ukushintsha. Ungabanxusa ukuthi bashintshe, banikeze ugqozi, futhi babafake ngaphansi kwethonya kodwa awukwazi ukubaphoqa. Futhi, iqiniso liwukuthi, awufuni ukubaphoqa. Uma wenze kanjalo ubuyothi ngokushesha, “Uyangithanda futhi uyangihlonipha ngoba ngikuphoqe ukuba wenze lokhu.” Kodwa lapho udala indawo enothando nenhlonipho kakhulu, ngokuvamile uthonya owakwakho ukuba aphendule ngoba owakwakho ufuna ukuphendula futhi ekhetha ukuphendula. Akuvamile ukuthi ukuxolisa kwakho kuqalise impendulo eyakhayo. Ngakho-ke zama ukungawagcini amaphuzu kulesi sikhathi. Vele wenze lokho ongakwenza.

Ngisho noma unecala ngamaphesenti ayishumi kuphela uma kuqhathaniswa namaphesenti angu-10 omngane wakho womshado, ungawuqinisa umshado wakho ngokuxolisa ngamaphesenti angu-90 akho. Kalula nje, lapho ubungabonisi uthando noma ungahloniphi, tshela oshade naye ukuthi uyaxolisa.

Yiba Neqiniso Ngesikhathi Esidlule

Uma umshado wakho ubunomunyu nokungathembani, oshade naye angase aphendule kabi ekuxoliseni kwakho hhayi ngoba ukuxolisa akulungile kodwa ngoba abakukholelwa ngokugcwele noma ngoba kubenza bakholelwe futhi bayazi ukuthi badinga ukuxolisa kodwa banenkani kakhulu. ukuze uthole ukuthobeka kulesi sikhathi. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi, ukuxolisa kwakho kuyinto okufanele uyenze noma ngabe owakwakho usabela kahle noma cha ngalesi sikhathi.

Ubufakazi

Kunamandla ekuxoliseni. Inkosikazi ethile iyabhala, “Ngamtshela ukuthi ngiyaxolisa ngokudelela, ngabona ukuthi bengizama ‘ukumbumba’ abe yilokho engikufunayo, ukuthi ngiyamhlonipha ngempela, futhi ekugcineni ngabona ukuthi uyangithanda ngempela. . . . . Mangisho ukuthi kusihlwa kuyingxoxo engcono kakhulu esike saba nayo esikhathini eside. Saxoxa amahora amaningi.” Enye inkosikazi yathi, “Mina nomyeni wami sasinomshado ojabulisayo, kodwa sasazi ukuthi kukhona okushodayo. Ngezinye izikhathi, sobabili sasizwa ubuhlungu kakhulu futhi singaqondi ukuthi kwenzekeni. Lapho sengifunde incwadi ethi, Uthando Nenhlonipho, kwaba nengqondo. Ngaso leso sikhathi ngaqala ukuzibona ngingenanhlonipho ngamazwi ami, iphimbo lami, nezenzo zami. Isikhathi ngasinye lapho ngenza ngokudelela ngangixolisa ngokushesha. I-Crazy Cycle UQEDIWE!!!”

Ekuxoliseni, kungase kuhilele ukuxhumana okude kunalokho obukufisa, kodwa ukwenza lokhu ngokuthobeka kungaletha ukuphulukiswa okuhlala isikhathi eside. Umyeni ubhala ngenjongo yakhe yokuxolisa. “Ngathola ithuba lokusebenzisa lokho uNkulunkulu ayengembule kona ‘ngoMjikelezo Wokuhlanya’ phakathi nesonto leholide. Kuwuhambo olude oluya ekhaya ukusuka eMontana ukuya eDallas. . . . Saqala saxoxa ngalalela. Ngalalela ukukhungatheka kwakhe phakathi neminyaka yokuqala engu-17. Indlela azizwa enqatshiwe ngayo. . . . Angizange ngimamukele . . . wayenomuzwa wokuthi wayengeyona into eza kuqala . . . waba nomuzwa wokuthi umshado wethu wawungeyona into uNkulunkulu ayeyihlosile nokuthi ngangingeyena umholi ongokomoya ayemlindele. . . . Kwakunobuhlungu obuningi ayebuzwile futhi ngokuvamile ngangizizwa ngihlaselwa futhi ngihoxe. Kodwa uNkulunkulu wanginika ikhono lokulalela. Ushintshe umbono wami ngenxa yencazelo yakho 'Yomjikelezo Wokuhlanya' futhi wangisiza ukuba ngilalele ulimi lwakhe 'lothando' kunolimi lwami 'lwenhlonipho'. Wathi kwakuyingxoxo enzima futhi wabonga indlela engangilalela ngayo nendlela engaxolisa ngayo ngengxenye yami. Wayesenesikhathi eside engezwa noma engezwa ubuqotho bami. Le ngxoxo yaba inguquko ebuhlotsheni bethu.”

Umbuzo Wanamuhla: Kungani ungaxolisi ngengxenye yakho engenalo uthando noma yokungahloniphi?

Isenzo Sanamuhla: Ngizoxolisa ngeqhaza lami kwengikwenzile okungaphumelelanga ekuphenduleni ngothando nangenhlonipho.

Ake ngikukhuthaze ukuthi uhlale esifundweni! Yize lolu kuwuhlelo Lwezinsuku Eziyi-15 olungaveza imiphumela emihle, bona lokhu njengohlelo lwegeyimu oluphindayo njengoba kudingeka. Ngokwesibonelo, inkosikazi engenhla yathi, “Isikhathi ngasinye lapho ngenza ngokudelela ngangixolisa ngokushesha.” Uthola uhlelo lomdlalo. Qhubeka wenze lokhu, futhi uhlale unethemba futhi unethemba.

7. QONDA UKUBALULEKA OKUNAMANDLA KANYE NEJABULO LOKUNIKEZA OWAKWAKHO LOKHO AKUDINGAYO KODWA ENGAMFANELE.

Ingabe Uyawubonisa Ukuhlonipha Okuhle Ngokungenamibandela Ngomoya Womngane Wakho Womshado?

Kungani kufanele ubonise inhlonipho engenamibandela ngomoya womngane wakho womshado? Uma ubonakala uzonda futhi udelela ukuthi umngane wakho womshado ungubani ngenxa yokubi akwenzile, bazokuvala. Lokhu akulungile kuwe—ikakhulukazi uma bekuzwise ubuhlungu kwasekuqaleni—kodwa kuyiqiniso lesimo somuntu.

Kumelwe unqume: Ingabe ngizojezisa umngane wami womshado ngenzondo nangokudelela ngenxa yalokho akwenzile noma ngizowuqhubekisela phambili umshado ngokuba umuntu ovuthiwe obhekana neqiniso nokubi kodwa ngendlela ezizwa inothando nenhlonipho enhliziyweni yomngane wami womshado. ?

Isizathu sokuthi sivame ukuzwa ukuthi “Zonda isono kodwa uthande isoni” kungenxa yeqiniso elilula lokuthi lapho isoni sizizwa sizondwa, isoni siyavala.

Hlasela Inkinga

Uma uhlasela owakwakho hhayi indaba, kuthunaza lowo muzwa wokuxhumana okudingeka abantu ababili baxazulule futhi babuyisane. Ngeke uye phambili kahle uma ubonakala unomunyu futhi udelela ukuthi ungubani owakwakho njengomuntu.

Njengomyeni, uma umkakho ezizwa emzonda ngenxa yokona kwakhe, ngeke akuvulele isifuba lapho uzama ukukhuluma naye nilungise inkinga.

Njengomfazi, uma umyeni wakho ezizwa edelela lokho ayikho njengomuntu, uzovala noma yimuphi umzamo owenzayo wokuxhumana naye ngendlela ephusile.

Ingabe yilokhu okufunayo? Uma kungenjalo kufanele ulandele uhlelo lwami. Yiba ngumuntu omkhulu futhi unikeze owakwakho isipho sokunaka okuhle ngaphandle kwemibandela ngomfanekiso kaNkulunkulu ongaphakathi kuye. Hlukanisa inyama nezenzo zabo zenyama emiphefumulweni yabo ejulile, ikakhulukazi uma bevume ngokuzithoba futhi befuna ukujika ekhoneni.

Abangcono kakhulu kithi bangakhohlwa ukubonisa inhlonipho ngomuntu wangaphakathi. Ake ngifanekise lokhu ngezingxabano ezimbili ezivamile izithandani ezingaba nazo, okufanele zibe izikhumbuzo ezinempilo zokusebenzisa le nto yesenzo.

Ukungaphathi kahle Imali

Lapho wena njengomyeni uzwakala unokhahlo futhi uthukuthele ngenkathi ukhuluma nomkakho ngokusetshenziswa ngokweqile kwesabelomali, ngeke avale umlomo ngenxa yesihloko kodwa ngoba ezwa ukuthi uyamzonda njengomuntu. Nakuba engase azi ekhanda lakhe ukuthi uyamthanda, futhi wazi ukuthi uyamthanda, ngokomzwelo akazizwa ngaleyo ndlela okwamanje. Ngisho noma ungamtshela ukuthi akufanele azizwe ngale ndlela, yena, njengakubo bonke abantu besifazane engike ngahlangana nabo, usazozibuza, “Angangitshela kanjani ukuthi uyangithanda futhi akhulume nami ngokhahlo nangentukuthelo? Uyangizonda. Akangithandi.” Lona umuzwa ocishe ube yindawo yonke kumakhosikazi. Uzokwenza lokhu kube ngokwakho njengokuhlasela ukuthi ungubani. Imali iyinkinga yesibili.

Kungakho kufanele ukhombise ukukhathalela okuhle, ngothando enhliziyweni yakhe njengoba uzwakalisa ukuphatheka kabi kwakho ngokuphathwa kabi kwemali yakhe, ngaphandle kwalokho ngeke akuzwe ngesihloko semali kodwa uzozwa isihloko semali siqinisekisa ukuthi awumthandi. . Nakuba indaba yemali ingokoqobo, akuyona inkinga eyinhloko. Ake ngenezele, kunezinhlobonhlobo zokuvunyelwa ukuveza imizwelo engemihle inqobo nje uma umkakho eqinisekile ukuthi uyamthanda lokho ayikho. Uyaluqonda ulwandle lomzwelo. Akuyona inkinga yakhe leyo. Inkinga yakhe ukusaba ukuthi awumthandi.

Izingxabano Zocansi

Lapho wena njengomfazi uzwakala ungahloniphi futhi ungenabungane kumyeni wakho lapho ukhuluma ngobudlelwano benu bobulili, uzohosha uma engahambi. Ukumedelela kwakho okusobala kulolu daba locansi kumenza azizwe engafaneleki njengendoda futhi uyehluleka ukuqonda izidingo zakho zomuntu wesifazane. Okuxakayo ukuthi nakuba azi ukuthi uyamthanda, usengozini yokumbukela phansi njengesithandwa esibuthakathaka. Ngoba usehlulekile kule ndawo, uma ekubona ngasese ukuthi awumhloniphi, uzovala. Uzokwenza lokhu kube ngokwakho njengokuhlasela ukuthi ungubani.

Yingakho kufanele ubonise inhlonipho eyakhayo, nenhlonipho kumuntu wakhe wangaphakathi njengoba udlulisa ubuhlungu bakho ngenxa yezinyathelo zakhe ezingalungile zokuqonda izifiso zakho zothando nezocansi. Nakuba impikiswano yobulili ingokoqobo, ayiwona umsuka wayo. Uzizwa engahlonishwa njengomuntu. Ake ngengeze, angikutsheli ukuthi ube umati wokucasha othule kulesi sihloko nezinye. Ungasho noma yini endodeni enenhliziyo enhle uma uhlonipha lokho eyikho njengomuntu njengoba ulungisa izinkinga ezikucindezelayo.

Hlukanisa Ukuba Bangobani Kwabakwenzile

Kuthiwani uma engishade naye enze izinto ezingalungile noma ezingamukeleki? Umuntu angalubonisa kanjani uthando nenhlonipho ngalezi zinto ezimbi?”

Nalapha futhi, akekho okufanele athande futhi ahloniphe ububi. Kuyahlekisa lokho. Kungenzeka ukuthi owakwakho uphingile futhi wakukhaphela. Kubi lokhu. Ngeke ngikuthande noma ngikuhloniphe okwenziwa wumlingani wakho. Kodwa ingabe lokhu kwenza oshade naye abe isitha esibi? Uma ubaphatha kanjalo, ngeke bakuvulele umoya wabo. Bayohlala besaba ukulahlwa kwakho nehlazo lakho. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, lapho unquma ukukhuluma ngombono omuhle ngomoya wabo, kuyilapho ubonisa intukuthelo efanele ngalokho abakwenzile, wandisa amathuba omngane wakho womshado abhekana nawo.

Ukuba nesithakazelo esinjalo ngomoya wabo kusho ukubaqinisekisa ukuthi ungumngane wakho, awusona isitha esinenzondo. Kusho ukubatshela ukuthi ukubhekana kwakho nezinqumo zabo ezilimazayo akukhona ukubenza babe namahloni; kunalokho, kuwukukholelwa kwakho ezinhliziyweni zabo ezinhle ukwenza ukulungisa. Futhi uyabaqinisekisa ukuthi noma imiphi imizwa engemihle eyeqisayo ongase uyiveze kubo ibangelwa ukulimala nokudumazeka, hhayi isifiso sokubalulaza nokubahlazisa.

Lapho sizama ukuthumela umlayezo koshade naye ukuthi siphatheke kabi, sikhungathekile, noma siyesaba, uma benomuzwa wokuthi umyalezo wangempela uwukuthi sibabheka njengabadelelekile, bazosondelana nathi ngokomzwelo. Sonke siyizwile inkulumo ethi “uma ukubukeka kungabulala.” Kumelwe sikuqaphele ukubukeka okunjalo.

Ungambona oshade naye ngendlela uJesu abona ngayo owakwakho. Abafundi abathathu bakaKristu bamehlula ngesikhathi ebadinga, kodwa impendulo Yakhe yaba ukuthi, “umoya uyavuma, kodwa inyama ibuthakathaka” ( Mathewu 26:41 ). Babehluleke kuYe ngokudabukisayo kodwa akazange abonise ubutha kanye nokudelela ezinhliziyweni zabo nakuba abakwenza kwakumshiya edumazeke kakhulu, eyedwa, futhi engasekelwa. Ingabe uJesu uzizwa ngendlela efanayo ngomngane wakho womshado, futhi ungamlingisa uKristu? Yebo futhi yebo.

Umbuzo Wanamuhla: Ngesikhathi sokungqubuzana, ingabe ubonakala uzonda futhi udelela ukuthi umngane wakho womshado ungubani njengomuntu? Ingabe lokhu kuchaza kangcono ukuthi kungani bevaleleka kuwe lapho bevala?

Isenzo Sanamuhla: Ngizobonisa ukunaka okuhle emoyeni womlingani wami kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani. Njengomyeni, ngizoqinisekisa umkami ukuthi ngiyamthanda njengoba enjalo, nakuba ngikhungatheka ngezinye zezinto azenzayo. Njengomfazi, ngizoqinisekisa umyeni wami ukuthi ngiyakuhlonipha lokho ayiko njengendoda, nakuba ngezinye izikhathi ngiphatheka kabi ngalokho akwenzile.